I was twenty-one, I think.
How did you feel as you watched me scrape my knees?
What did you think as I cried out for help?
When did you move as my life began to fall?
I was twenty-one, Right?
You must remember. It was the night at the hockey game. I had not talked to you for two years.
I was with my drinking buddies and seated in the nose bleed section.
I remember because I hadn’t seen you in two years. But you knew.
You knew I would be there. You always knew.
I was not looking for you. I was not looking for anything.
I had given away my hope for forgiveness. I was out on my own.
I was twenty-one, if I remember.
But then, there you were.
“Brian! Hey man…”
Do you remember? You sent Ben.
How in that crowd of people he was able to spot me is beyond my understanding.
I don’t think Ben knew what was going on at the time.
I don’t think Ben knew you were using him at that moment.
I don’t think Ben knew I had not talked to you in two years.
When the church hurt me I walked away. I now realize it had nothing to do with you.
I was hurt by people. I was hurt more by walking out.
It was this church in which I met Ben.
We were best friends not long after I met you.
When I stopped talking to you, I also stopped talking to Ben.
With no explanation.
“Brian! Hey man, I’ve missed you!”
I didn’t see Ben. I saw Ben. I wasn’t seeing Ben.
I saw you. I saw you with the biggest smile on your face.
Do you remember?
Do you remember how you felt?
If my memory is correct, I was twenty-one.
“Brian! Hey my son, I’ve missed you!”
That’s what you said. I even think you were crying while you said it.
Do you remember?
I do.
I will always remember.
I think I was twenty-one.
When did you decide to come and get me?
Was it the moment I walked away?
Was it the time I cursed your name?
Was it the day I gave up?
No, not then?
Was it the moment you walked up the hill?
Was it the time they cursed and spat?
Was it the day?
Ah, I remember.
It was the day you gave your life.
I remember.
I was twenty-one, I think.
