I am a husband.
Ok, now you just began without even realizing it, making assumptions about me. Some of the basics I cannot argue.
– I am a male.
– I am married.
– I am alive
(At least while this is being written. Who knows, you may be reading this in the year 3030. If so, don’t call me, I’m dead.)
– I can read and write
– and I use way too many comas,
These assumptions are all true, but my list ends there. Anything past my excessive use of comas, would could and most likely does fit the discription of A husband, but not all husbands. The list is as follows;
– Enjoys red meat
– Favorite past time = Beer and “the game”
– Doesn’t listen
– What?
– Yes dear
– Grocery shops with a list his wife has written (example of list):
– Shampoo
– Conditioner (the suave cucumber melon stuff or the garnier fructis)
– Toilet Paper
– Paper Towels
– Deodorant (for you)
– Bag O’Chicken
– Bread (Sara Lee light stuff) – 2 loaves
– Milk (yours if you want it and Dairy Ease Fat Free for me)
– Cereal – Crispix for me and whatever you want
– PB (if we don’t have any)
– Pasta – 2 boxes wheat angel hair, 1 box wheat penne, 1 box wheat rotini
– Sauce – 3 cans
– Mac and Cheese
– Frozen Corn
– Frozen Green Beans
– Bag of Mixed Frozen Veggies for Soup
– Jalepeno
– Cilantro
– Tortilla Chips (baked are preferable)
– Romano Cheese (for pasta)
– Shredded Pizza Blend Cheese for tacos, potatoes, etc.
– Potatoes (if ours are bad)
– Olive Oil
– Fruit – maybe some grapes or melon
– Chocolate Graham Crakers
– Fat Free Cool Whip
– A Ham
– Margarine (if we need more)
– sleeps with a basball bat close to his night stand.
(his wife thinks this is in case of an intruder. ok, yeah that too, but you never know when
Travis Hafner might get hurt and the Indian’s only shot of filling the DH position in time for game 3 of the ALCS is you.)
– leaves the toilet seat not only up but a yellow dotted mess
– always thinks it’s hot in here
– Snores
– the joke “That’s what she said.” never seems to get old
– that’s what she said
– what? there is a certian way to fold a towel?
– no longer folds the towels
– hold on one sec, my wife is calling me…
– ok I’m back, sorry about that, I had to refold the towels…
– owns a tie
– owns a pair of pliers
– it has been months since he has used either one
– this list can go on, but I think you get my point.
POP QUIZ!!
What kind of Pasta were you supposed to get?
(A) 2 boxes of wheat angel hair & 1 box of wheat penne
(B) 2 boxes of angel hair, 1 box of penne, and 1 box of rotini
(C) 2 boxes of wheat crispix, 1 box of frozen jalepenos & a Bag o’ Mac & Cheese
Come on, I need you to asnwer! I forgot the list at home.
Let’s go with B. If you answered A or C you must leave. Go back to the store and make this right.
Alright, now that fifty percent of my readers have gone back to the store that leaves me with the rest of you. Mainly my mom and some random lonley single girl who’s google search for a husband landed her here.
My point and loose objective is to find meaning and revelation on the role and title and identity of being a husband. I know what you’re thinking, “Brian, why don’t you do some research”? There are some great books written on this very topic.” Well, aformentioned lonely single girl, I don’t like to read.
And on that basis I will set out to find the meaning of my role. Through past experiences, current situations, the year ahead as a missionary living in community, and great sitcoms such as Everybody loves Raymond, Mad About You, The Flintstones and The Three Stooges, I will post my findings, my thoughts, and my life as a husband.
