“…Truly I have spoken; truly I will bring it to pass. I have planned it, surely I will do it.” Isaiah 46:11
And from the edge of our fingertips spills forth an extravagant confusion.
The world, as we get to know it, stays the same. All the while our initial intentions, selfless passions, and articulated identity are changing. We are stepping forward into the second half of a journey so grand in its encompassing of every emotional spectrum imaginable it needs its own soundtrack. While these tracks are shuffled and our passport stamped, the end result is a giant question mark. We try to reflect on the months left behind and all we can see is the collection of what we once were. You see the trouble with changing – we are always present through the process. Both in the same. The old and the new, co-existing. We attempt to communicate this change from the inside and in every instance fail. We fail not due to a lack of understanding on the part of the one asking the question. We fail because at the moment we are a house divided, trying earnestly to change, yet remain the same.
Understand us.
We began this trip as one, walking in step without conflict, ready to take on the harsh realities of the world through whatever means that world asked of me. I coasted through much of Central America and Southeast Asia, operating out of good ideas and a solid identity. The world as I approached it made sense to me, and the need to submit alterations to my way of thinking seemed anti-productive.
That single solitary thought had scurried its way to the front of the line and was intent on initiating a rebellion. Within hours, what was once a thought on its own had now persuaded more of its fellow thought brethren to join sides and take up arms, setting into motion a divide crucial to the discovery toward the reason God placed me on this trip. I was split in two, each grasping at some form of identity. Each set on destroying the other.
We are old and we are new. We love the ways of our past and look ahead in great anticipation on the destruction of that very we thing we have loved. The old wants to go home. Completely resistant towards the process of change, we know all too well the outcome leads to self-devastation and glorious self-identification. On the morning of our great rebellion the old must have been introduced to that of the soon to be new and before moving another step dug its heels to the process and motioned for opting out and going home.
Our answer is, as you guessed it, two fold; yes and no. And you can safely assume, depending on the day, which one of us is saying yes and which one of us is screaming no.
