Recently God has been bringing my family life to mind- granted I didn’t talk to them for over six weeks, so they were continually on my heart for that period of time. I was looking back on how growing up in the family that I did, I never truly needed God. To be honest, there was never a time in my life where I went without anything that I needed and usually wanted.
Spending a month with orphans and people living on less than $2 a day will cause you to think about where you came from and how you got there. I had everything I could have ever needed and more. I was surrounded with the most amazing, loving family and a home that was always filled with so much laughter and joy. This month there were so many times that I wanted to call home to share funny stories and discomforts about what I was experiencing. Since I couldn’t, I felt the Lord saying;
“Come to me!”
“I’m right here!”
“Why are looking for comfort in everything else?”
“All you could ever need is at your finger tips”.
“Every piece of your comfort and joy that the heart longs for is in the arms of your heavenly Father”.
For most of my life I had lived in guilt for what I had been blessed with. This month especially, the Lord has been showing me what a precious gift He has given me.
You see my dad doesn’t have this same picture perfect life story as I do. He has experienced more pain and suffering than anyone I know. When he became a Christian and started talking to my mom about marriage he said “I’m not exactly sure what this marriage thing looks like, but I want you to know that if we choose to do this, I’m in it for the long haul”. “And I want my family to be in the church”. From that statement on, he was committed to loving God, and serving our family as passionately as he could. With the way he treasures us and loves us unconditionally, my heart was always content. My parent’s important decision of saying yes to God and each other, steered them into the way the chose to raise my sisters and I in the church. Because of their obedience, we were outrageously blessed. It breaks my heart to think about all the pain my dad suffered in his life but I can see how He used my dad as a tool to teach his family. I can’t help but love the story of how God captured his heart and made him into such a strong, loving man who against all odds changed everything for us. God shifted the life of my father and in the long run that shift affected the way my parents chose to raise my sisters and I. Amongst all the trials, my parents chose to fill us with an unending amount of joy, peace and love.
So what do you do when you never knew you needed God? A few years back I challenged God, knowing my earthly father was good- almost too good, he is compassionate, strong, kind, protective, and comforting.
My thought was, “God, if you want to show your love to me you are going to have a lot to prove yourself”. Then I heard him say “DUH BRI”, “this is Me showing My love for you!” “Take all of those things your father has blessed you with and multiply it by an eternity, THAT is My love for you”. When I say I didn’t need God it’s because He was already there, showing up in big ways, working through my dad to show me unconditional love.
Reflecting on all this revelation and thought transformation, especially from working at an orphanage, I am no longer living in the guilt of a beautiful childhood. I have surrendered, knowing the God created my life just the way He wanted. Creating my testimony to be a tool for His use. God has you right where He needs you and is so redemptive in the way He works. Just like my own father we have no idea what the future holds but choosing obedience is something that can always be done.
