Not long after arriving here in Transnistria my team and I were sitting at Andy's Pizza, our local hot spot for good food and wifi, planning a youth event we were asked to run through the church. My heart was so happy just thinking about all the fun we would have playing with and loving on youth in the area. As I wrote in a previous blog I woke up the day we were suppose to leave and had a horrible stomach ache that got worse as the day went on. It came down to a few minutes before they had to leave and I had to come to a decision on whether or not to go. As much as I hated to do it, I decided to stay back. I knew I was too weak to be any help.
As I sat in bed watching them pack up and leave I instantly regretted my decision. I sat there for a few hours afterwards feeling sorry for myself, asking God "Why?", and thinking about all I was going to miss out on. And THEN it hit me.. God had this planned all along. He knew that I would have to stay back, He knew I would spend the week with four women that were not my team, and He had a reason the six girls on my team would go to camp without me.
Once I realized that, then I tried to figure out the "Why" behind that. Could it be I was suppose to build a relationship with someone here? Could it be that He wanted me to connect with the four girls from another team? Or maybe to give my team a time to shine in planning and running a camp without my help or involvement? Ugh.. I hated myself for doing this, for asking these questions! But I just couldn't help it..
But I must admit.. there was a lot I learned about myself, a few other ladies on the squad, and even this crazy fake country we are staying in for the month. First, I got to see how other all girl teams love each other, support each other, and are making it a priority to not only get to know each other, but to love and build relationships with one another. This is something I love to see, and desire to see more of from my team. So, I have made the commitment to myself to be more intentional with my team, and realized if I want more from my team I have to put in more and give them more of myself. That is exactly what I intend to do!!
Also, as I worked side by side with four girls who was also a partial team due to camp, I got to really build relationships with people I didn't expect to this year. One of which I shared a room with last month, and after a week of working together I realized how little I knew about her after that month. It opened my eyes to what I could be missing with my team, and other people on the squad. Just because you live in community with someone, unless you ask questions and truly dig deep with them you will miss so much. Another girl I have just admired from the time I met her. She is always so joy filled and positive, and working next to her all week -in not so great conditions- it made me want to strive to be more like that. I got to experience leadership from someone else, that before I didn't understand or even agree with, and after spending the week with her and getting to know her heart, it made me see what I thought came across as something not always Christ-like is in fact the very passion of Christ. And more times then not, when I saw things in her that I didn't necessarily like they ended up being things I later realized were traits of mine as well. Wow! It was easy to pick out those traits in someone else, but not so easy to see in yourself. In addition to those three, I had the time to spend with someone I already feel so connected with. She is someone who is supportive, encouraging, and always calling me to be more of who Christ would have me be. That is a valuable thing to have, and I cherish her friendship so much.
So of course, as my team returned I was bummed to hear the stories and things I missed, but I had such a greater joy knowing what I knew now about myself, more about what a team should look like, and how I could better serve my team and those around me. I can say after having them back for over a week now.. things are already so much better! I thank God for the lessons he taught me, and pray He continues to grow me in all the areas He showed me that week. I also pray for you. I pray that you don't just take someones presence for granted. I pray you are intentional with everyone in your life, whether they are God's lost children, or even your brothers and sisters in Christ.
With all my love,
Bri
