Well America, I’m back.
I have been home in the good old mitten for about two weeks now. Being home is nothing like I thought it would be, and exactly like I thought it would be all at the same time.
To say I’m in a weird place emotionally would be the understatement of the century. It has been so beautiful and comforting to spend time with my family and friends. I’ve missed them so much this past year and the distance made me realize and appreciate how important and crucial they are in my life.
I have gone out to eat A LOT. Had all of the food I wanted to eat. (RANCH!) Gone to places I missed. Caught up with a lot of friends, with more still to see. I got to kiss my boyfriend again. I have learned to ride my moped, painted my room, cleaned my house, got a new phone, applied for and been denied by many jobs, and now….what?
That’s where I’m at. Now what God? Where do I go from here. Each morning I wake up and realize
I don’t have a clue what’s going on.
I don’t know if I will make any money that week. I don’t know if I will ever find a job. I don’t know if I will ever find a job I love. I don’t know what my life looks like tomorrow, let alone in a year. The race was very freeing when it came to thinking about your future; because each month you knew the next month was already planned out for you. That’s not the case here…and it’s unsettling. And over-whelming. And maybe just a little bit beautiful.
I am thankful that God has blessed me with more of a type B personality. I can’t even imagine how Type A people are handling this. Although not having a clue where my life is going is chaotic, it’s also kind of exciting. Like one day I could wake up and God could surprise me with something that could change my life forever. I just have to remember to keep listening.
Getting my quiet time in with the Lord has been a lot, LOT harder than I thought it would be. America makes it very easy to ignore Jesus. So many distractions; so many ‘important’ things I always feel I “need” to do. But how can I ever figure out what His plan is for me when I’m not even paying attention?
The most frequent question I’ve been getting since being home is;
“So what’s next?”
Yeah. I’d like to know the answer to that too. But I’m realizing that maybe God is being silent because He wants me to listen.
