A year and a half ago when you looked at me you may have seen the truth, and you may have seen what I wanted you all to see.
But regardless of what you saw, the truth is that I was a girl who was
Scared. Extremely lonely. Slightly depressed. A bit of an alcoholic. Numb. Lost in the world. I had friends of course; and how I felt is not a reflection of them or their friendship. I still had amazing family and friends who loved me endlessly.
But inside it just wasn't clicking. I thought that I was free. I could do whatever I wanted whenever I felt like it. If that meant partying- that's what I did. I skipped a lot of class because some days I simply didnt feel like going. I hung out with whoever I wanted to at the time and blew off important friendships in the process. I hung out with guys when I felt like it and blew them off when I didnt.
I did what I wanted, when I wanted to do it. I had no one to answer to. Not family, not friends, and not God. Just me.
Freedom like that should have made me happy right?
In my 'freedom' I had never felt more trapped. I was miserable. On the outside I tried to appear happy and like life was great. But it wasnt.
The change in who I am is drastic. It's evident. And I have never been more thankful in my life.
To those who pushed me when I didnt want to be pushed.
To those who loved me when I wasnt so lovable.
And to God for pursuing me through it all.
Today I stand truly free. As I grow closer to God I see so much more of who I am truly supposed to be.
I feel confident that I have a purpose in the world. I no longer cry out for love because I feel so loved every day. I am happy to be who I am. I'm not scared of the future because I trust that God is holding me. I no longer turn to alcohol to escape the world…because with God at my side all I want to do is embrace the world.
I went from a scared and lonely girl
to a woman ready to truly live.
I wish I could put it into words better than this- but the healing of a heart isn't always easily defined by words.
All I know is this:
Freedom to do what you want is good. Freedom in Christ is even better.
"By growing closer to God you do not lose who you are; you actually discover parts of yourself you never even knew existed."
