Something I usually get stuck in is how I think I should be. What I mean by that is when I don’t meet standards I’ve set for myself, I fail at what I think I need to do, and the guilt chokes me out. But what hits me is how I’m failing at how I think I should be. I get stuck in how I expect myself to be, and when I can’t reach those expectations, I let the guilt get to me and it turns into self-hatred. Which never grows us, because if you hate yourself, you’re rejecting the love of God. In hating ourselves, we deny all the work God has done in us since He redeemed us (Philippians 1:6).
We treat much of our relationship in Jesus as performance. We don’t try to, we know it’s not, sometimes it just happens. We miss the concept of belonging to God. In belonging to God, He is constantly working in us, growing us. And we can’t cause any of that growth on our own.
“I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” -John 15:5
“Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?” -Galatians 3:3
When we look to ourselves to be all God has called us to, we go against the gospel. We are absolutely screwed up, more than we may ever know. We cannot save ourselves, we cannot grow ourselves. And when we’re lost in frustration with ourselves, we assume God is lost in frustration with us. This is not the God of the gospel of grace who tells us all our sins have been paid for by His Son’s blood. I used to wonder how God could not be so frustrated with me. Then He opened my eyes to the last words of His Son on the cross: “It is finished” (John 19:30). The fight to have my soul has been won by God. There’s still so much war left, as Satan and sin knows they can’t have me, but they will try to damage me as much as they can. But God isn’t scared, worried, or anxious. He knows He can’t lose me, because no one is greater than Him.
In belonging to God, He grows me by just being His. This isn’t to say I shouldn’t keep going against sin. If anything, it’s hope and faith that I can. By His power, we can live for more, because He loves us where we’re at, and it’s that love that desires us to live for more, and let this life be meaningful for His glory.
An analogy God showed me is that in belonging to Him, we’re paintbrushes. He has a canvas that is beyond huge, and on it He’s painting the story of Him saving humanity. And He uses us to make the painting. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to go the right way, I’m nothing without my Painter. In being His, He uses me for more than myself. He calls us to be His, and let Him do what He does with our lives.
There’s a verse I read from Song of Solomon in how the church is Christ’s bride. “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me.” (7:10). We belong to Jesus; He desires us.
“Be good, but you probably won’t be, so be God’s.” -Rich Mullins
