Here I go again.. Asking God the same question I’ve asked everyday since He has lead me on this journey, “Why me?”. He chose the girl who never dreamed of leaving the country, the girl who planned to go to a college 15 minutes down the road, the girl who her family calls a “home-body”, the girl who has never left home for more than a week, the girl who has never left America, but that’s the same girl who gave her life for her savior’s glory.
That girl is me, I gave my life to The Lord and made a commitment to follow Him wherever He may lead me. And that is the reason I am here today ladies and gents, I am nowhere near perfect and at times I feel inadequate and unqualified to serve God in the ways that are necessary on this trip, but my GOD is for me and He is my strength and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”)
When I feel overcome by my shortcomings these are the verses I turn to… (I will be adding to this list as I experience further drawbacks, leading up to and throughout my trip)
Not Enough
Whenever I feel that I don’t measure up and that I am in no position to minister to others I remember that God is sufficient and through Him I can be used. At times I question whether or not I will have the words to say when people in these distant countries ask me questions or for advice about living as Christ (or any other range of possible questions). As I struggle with not feeling like I alone am enough I turn to 2 Corinthians 3:5 and it says “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think anything as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God”. This verse reminds me that I am not enough on my own, but through God I am, and I can be used by Him and for His kingdom. Also, when I think I may have no words to say Luke 21:15 says “for I will give you the right words and such wisdom that none of your opponents will be able to reply or refute you”. Once again, through God I am able and I can be used.
Weak
Don’t we all have those days when we just feel so worn, the days when you face trials and things you feel like you can never recover from? My weakest day was about a year ago, my best friend, my loyal companion passed away. He was a black lab, he was about 14 years old, and his name was Lucas, but most importantly he was family. I did everything with him, he loved me and I loved him more than anything in this world and I wish I would have treasured our time together more than I did. Lucas was my heart and my everything, and on the day he died I felt like my world, my life, and my heart had been crushed. In that time I had these verses to turn to. James 1:12 says ”Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” This verse reminds me that no matter what I am faced with God is with me and my strength comes from Him, and as I take these trials and turn to Him my reward in heaven is much greater. Also in 1 Corinthians 9:22 we are reminded that God is all knowing and He understands our circumstances, this verse gives me comfort in knowing that God is with me. 1 Corinthians 9:22 says “To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some.”
Unlovable
I know this may not be something all of us struggle with but in my life it has been a huge struggle, at times I feel so unloved and undeserving. When I was struggling with anxiety and depression I remember thinking I was unworthy of love and luckily that was about the time I decided there had to be more to this life than just feeling sad all the time. So I decided I was going to find some answers and not let one bad relationship destroy me. I became more involved in the word and I grew a stronger relationship with God. In that time I turned to John 15:13 which says “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” SAY WHAT??? Jesus did that for you and me, whenever I feel unloved I now feel foolish because I remember that the King of Kings showed me the greatest love that someone could ever show. That’s awesome, I cannot help but smile and thank Jesus when I read that verse. (I would even like to suggest that as you have read that verse just take a moment and thank Jesus for His death)
Ordinary
Those days when you wonder “What’s so special about me?” or maybe you see someone who appears to be extraordinary, and then look at yourself as ordinary. Well as a Christian and someone who strives to grow there relationship with God daily, how in the world could we look at ourselves and see an ordinary/generic person. Well it’s plain and simple the world around us gives us false beliefs and I’ll admit at times I let the world get to me and alter my thinking, but when I turn to Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” I am reminded that I serve a God who is greater and that I can be used by Him even if I may not believe in myself at times,because God does! And when I had this realization I couldn’t help but smile and show praise, I hope you do the same thing! :))
