It’s 5:00 pm the day before I leave for training camp. I am sitting in the middle of my living room surrounded by all of my gear in a puddle of confusion, fear, and tears. I have just realized that throughout the rush of preparation and eagerness, I have forgotten to acknowledge The One who made all of this a reality. I have gone day after day, saying my prayers only when my prayer alarm goes off, they are not genuine prayers and I have neglected my relationship with the Father. As I am sitting here I reflect on the past few days and see that as I have neglected God I have also neglected myself. I have spent my time trying to prepare for something that I quite honestly remain very far from prepared for. My time has been wasted.. 3 days of preparation wasted…
These past 3 days I have not glorified God and expressed His love through my journey. When people ask questions I just merely respond ‘I’m going on a trip” , when God had lined up a perfect opportunity for me to share Him with someone I brushed it off. I am looking back and can’t hardly believe the way I have acted, I am ashamed but am humbled at the same time. I have lost myself and I hadn’t even realized it until now.
Although I am all of those things and although I am undeserving, God shows me a way out of all of this. He has wrapped me up in His arms and shown me grace. I have been someone that God didn’t want me to be, but as I sit here and look outside I realize my life the past few days resembles the weather today..
As the day went on a storm began to build up, and as the storm built up so did my tension, stress, and anxiety. Around the middle of the day, the winds began to gust and the rain began to pour. This compares to these last few days when I had lost touch with who I truly am, and threw myself from store to store in a storm of anger. Then about 20 minutes later, the storm stopped and the day went on as it had before.. You see, just as the storm halted, so did my anxiety, and just as the weather shifted, God shifted my heart. Instead of seeking to check things off of a list, I began to seek God, and His perfect plan.
Sure, I still have A LOT to get done before I leave for GA in the morning, but now I will do these things with a heart seeking after Jesus.
2 Corinthians 12:10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
