This month in Thailand we have been doing what the World Race calls MANistry! It's where all the guys on the squad take a month away for the women and live life as men doing manly things!
Coming into this month I was asked to be the team leader for the men this month. I was super excited when I was first asked and said yes immediately! I had received a prophecy back in January before we even left America that seemed to be pointing to this time.
"A bubble held below the surface watching others rise. God is waiting for the right time that I would be ready to take whatever place he has for me. The father will raise me up and I will be who he has called me to be."
I had waited 5 months and here it was being fulfilled.
But in the days following my decision doubts started to flood my mind.
Who am I to lead these men?
What do I have to offer them?
I had several conversations with different people on the squad. All encouraging me that God has called to this and he has and will equip me to lead.
Then debrief came in Nepal and I received another prophecy pointing to leadership.
"I see you on this long walk on a path up the side of a mountain. You seem to be alone(you may just be leading the pack and they are behind you) but you look forward. It sucks for you, your legs are hurting and you sometimes feel alone, but you look forward. You are being torn down, but still you get higher and higher on this path.
The Lord has captured your heart, that's why you look forward. You may not realize it fully, but you can't look anywhere else. Your heart knows the beauty of each step.
I don't see you getting to the top anytime soon, but I see you looking forward being assured that you are getting there, being torn down, yet moving ahead. Embrace those around you in this, bring them with you. Let the beauty of it flourish fully. Walk forward with joy, and take them with you."
Yet despite all this encouragement when I finally got to Thailand, I started to self destruct.
Even at the airport as I was doing my best to figure out how we were getting from the airport to the bus station, my mind was racing trying to make things flow smoothly, wanting it to be perfect. Stressing over things I had no control over. Which was evident on my face as a squad mate took me for a walk to cool down.
The ride through Bangkok was super refreshing, in the back of a songtaew the air rushing past us. God showed up and refreshed me there with some great conversation and prayer.
The feeling didn't last.
My first week in Chiang Mai was my hardest on the race.
I didn't know how to do the ministry we were asked to do and my confusion caused me to shut down. In the vacuum of me not leading others stepped up to fill the gap. Causing me to shut down even more.
My mind was a mess of confusion and self doubt.
To be totally honest I still am.
I've had so much encouragement, I don't even know what to do with it.
This is my plea for prayer.
I need God to intervene in huge ways in my heart and mind. That I will be who God has made me to be.
That I will Be the Child of God I know I am.
The final deadline is just days away I need your help to get there or this might be the end of my race. Here are the details of where my fundraising stands.
Funds Raised: $13,400
Needed to be fully funded: $2,400
Full fundraising needed by July 1, 2013
(All Fund amounts are based off what has actually been processed, it does not show gifts if they are still in process)
Thank you so much to all those who have supported me so far! It means so much to me to see that you are behind me in this. Your continued support through prayer and finances is greatly appreciated.
If you would like to support me click the Support Me link on the side of the page.
To all my Canadian donors: If you are writing a cheque please write it out in US funds (ex. One Hundred US dollar). As this will allow the cheques to process faster and put the exact amount into my support account.
Also AIM is not able to give tax deductable reciepts to Canadian donors.
