First off, I just want to thank you all for your kind words of encouragement and support over the past week. I hit a breaking point for sure, and it was hard to bring myself to post my last blog. I have been astonished at the reception, and I’m glad it was impactful for some.
I figured this week I would just follow up with what God has been doing since then. Having felt something so deep for the first time in a while has been huge in my walk, in my faith. Even that same day, after the tears stopped falling, the world looked different to me.
This new perspective was met with mixed responses. On one hand, I felt deep joy at the reality of God and his movement in the world. I felt thankful for my brothers and sisters here in Battambang. I felt grateful for the opportunity to have helped the little church down the street. I felt excited about the fact that my job for the next months and years is to simply love people. I felt as if I better understood God’s love for me, and I wanted to share that even more.
On the other hand, however, I felt deep heartache for those in the world who don’t know the Lord. We did a prayer walk last Friday for a few hours. As the walk progressed, we passed dozens and dozens of Khmer faces, people rushing to and from responsibilities of daily life. I wondered about the Spiritual health of these people, God’s children. I felt crushed by the odds that would say the majority of these men and women have likely never heard the gospel in its full truth. I felt helpless, I felt as if I was not doing enough to share Jesus. I wondered why our ministry here seemed to look different than that of the early church.
So since then, I have battled with finding peace amidst this emotional awakening of mine, but there are a couple truths I know I can hold onto.
1. The Lord is my Shepherd. It doesn’t matter what I do or how I feel, God’s got me. He’s leading me places I don’t necessarily understand, but he will keep me safe and sound all the way. His way is best, and I’m glad I don’t have to lead myself.
2. God’s still in control of the world. He does not depend on me alone to bring his Word to those who don’t have it. He has all sorts of forces at work all around the globe, including this little town in Cambodia. He allows us the privilege of being vessels and instruments of his purpose, but His will will be done with or without us. He is good, and there is nothing we do without him anyway.
And so in all of this, my next battle is this:
How radically am I willing to chase the Lord? Am I willing to give up all of the things I’ve still been able to hold onto? Am I willing to hand him my future? Am I willing to suffer for his name? Do I really think he’s the best thing?
These are questions I am still battling through. I have already seen his faithfulness at work in my life, last week was proof. So pray that God can show me he truly is better than anything else in the world. Thanks ya’ll (Christian Herron got me talkin ultra country lately). Hang Loose.
