These words have been a long time coming. Sucks that is took 24 years for me to find em but they have finally arrived. Breier Loves Jesus Saves
There has been no such truer words spoken to me in my entire life. I have spent so much of my life trying to save when all I was called to do is love.
My sisters mean the world to me. The four of us have gone through mud and back again, impacting us each differently there was the need for a savior to rescue us from that time. For some reason, I raised my hand and tried to answer that desperate need. To no ones surprise, feel flat on my face and it hurt like a baseball to the nuts. I couldn’t help them the way they needed. And it was a harsh reality to be living in.
I tried my best…but even my best is the worst thing for them.
Restless nights for me growing up, thinking how can I fix a family that is broken? What can Breier do to help ease the pain. While all of this is good and happy and blah blah blah…it was actually hurting them. It was like covering up a wound that just needs to breathe, it caused an infection. Then, me trying my best and realizing that it still isn’t fixing it, I begin to feel bad about myself. Next thing you know the person it impacted the least in the beginning, is drowning in the most pain only a few years after. Not able to breathe he begins to feel the pain that he was being a catalyst to.
Taking on the role of a savior is a glove that will never fit. (We try this in life more often then you think.)
At last, an opportunity to leave…college. That only being 30 minutes away solved literally nothing. The same issues were happening, I was just finding out about them later on in the day via a text, as opposed to it having front row seats to the drama that unfolds. Four years this goes on, I care less but then feel to comfort of taking the reigns. Again leading the heard astray into an abyss of confusion and chaos.
Blessings rain down from the sky and the World Race enters the picture. “Crazy and insane” they say. It’s only crazy to those who think its not possible. I give up, utterly surrender the whole situation to God for a few reasons. One, cause I am leaving and do not wanna deal with it when I’m gone. Two, I love them but wanna be a better brother and better son to my family. Three, the reason I found out 5 months into the race……is that Breier Loves and Jesus Saves.
The best present I could give them was my lack of presence.
Think about it, I was hindering them from God. I have felt my pain from that but so happy to be out on the other side and more aware of how I love people and how it can interfere with their relationship with the Lord.
My family is amazing and since I have been gone I can already see improvement and growth in my absence. And I couldn’t be more happy! I will gladly let God provide all the growth and do all the saving. I will always be a fighter and someone who loves well but never over steps that line of authority, I never want it to be love that comes out of the intention that I am saving.
This being said,
Amaris, I am so sorry for trying to save you. It was a major disservice to you and I was blinded by my love for you. I wanna lead you by following God, leadership by following is the best kind. I promise to point you towards God in everything I do and I know that God has you in his hands. All of your past, present, and future life events…God shows up. I will let you down but God will always be someone to build a foundation on. I’m sorry, because I never took a step back to realize that I was constantly holding onto your wheel and leaving no room for God to direct your path. My love for you grows more and more everyday, this lessons has allowed that to happen and I am forever grateful for these fours words.
Breier Loves, God Saves.
