This last week my squad attended an event called the Awakening. This is something that happens when multiple World Race squads are in a country all at one time. We spent 3 days worshipping, learning, fellowshipping (is that a word? you get what I mean), and evangelising with 11n11 squads A, X, and Y. It was an absolute joy and honor to spend time soaking in all of the wisdom that these people had to overflow onto us.
One night a women from another squad, Carolyn, got up on stage and said the Lord had given her a word for our squad. What she shared with us was a challenge to go further. Go deeper. Desire more. We our limiting ourselves because there are limits we are putting on God. It was a call to get out of the boat. We don’t have to ask the Lord to part the water; He is calling us out of the boat because He is going to teach us how to walk on the water.
I realized after hearing this and another teaching from Gary Black that I had gotten comfortable. Too comfortable. I felt content and okay with where I was at, and that was stopping me from walking in obedience and everything else that the Lord has for me on this trip.
The Lord’s plans are limitless, but I can only go as far as I will go. I can only go as far as I let the Lord take me. In order to walk in all of the crazy, unimaginable plans that the Lord has, I have to stop making excuses. I am prompted by the Lord all of the time, but I hesitate and make excuses and convince myself that maybe the push I feel isn’t the Lord. And that has stopped me from walking in boldness and unbridled trust in the Lord and what He has for me each day.
I’ve written about this before, but the environment and community I am living in on the race is one that is constantly pursuing growth. Even in this I became comfortable, and facing my growth areas was not a big deal. It was the effort I knew I was going to have to put in to make my growth areas turn into strengths that was exhausting. I came to this point where I really just wanted to breathe for a second. I wanted to stop growing. I wanted to not constantly hear about my “growth areas” because I needed time to rest from all of the growth I had just walked through. This is when I really started to learn about endurance and perseverance.
I knew that the push for more from the people around me wasn’t going to stop, so I had to figure out how to make it through that days where I thought I would have a breakdown if someone gave me another dang piece of feedback. In those days I turned to Jesus but my main focus became my growth areas. Since realizing that I was not always walking through growth with Jesus – I also realized that because my focus had shifted, I stopped walking in complete obedience. I let growth distract me from God’s purpose.
From this I realized that in order to walk in obedience AND pursue growth I must focus on the Father’s heart and His character. From this I have grown in areas like showing and receiving grace, admonition, and love as well as discerning if feedback from my squadmates reflects His heart. The result of refocusing on Jesus and the Father’s love for me is that I have been able to persevere through all of the hard days (even if it isn’t pretty.) I have been able to walk in boldness and obedience (even though it is really scary most of the time.)
I have also been very challenged to walk in more vulnerability, intentionality, and confidence. Through the hard days I wanted to lean on someone, but didn’t always have someone willing to let me lean on them. So, instead of waiting for someone to come to me I went to them and communicated what I needed. It wasn’t fun to have to be intentional when I was already hurting, but it worked. I have tried to consistently choose my teammates and squadmates even if they don’t always choose or love me. I’m definitely not perfect, but I’m taking steps towards being able to show that unconditional love and grace. I’ve been hurt over that last 5 months and I have hurt other people, but that is when we do our best to walk in grace and forgiveness and choose to be vulnerable, even when it is SO hard because vulnerability breeds trust (s/o to Deborah).
As I write this I really feel like I just rambled on for a page and a half, but all of this to say that the pain and suffering has really been so fruitful. I have learned not to let anything take my gaze away from Jesus and I hope this is encouragement to you. It is really so simple. Jesus. Love Him, accept His love, and walk in obedience.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters ,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” James 1:2-3
It is joyful to face trials, because from those trials we will gain perseverance and spiritual maturity.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us” Hebrews 12:1
On the days when the trials are more than you can handle, lean on the great cloud of witness around you so that you may run the race marked out before you with perseverance.
Consider Jesus and the pain He went through on the day of His crucifixion. He loves you so much that He sacrificed His life and He is with you through every trial, in every shadow, and every wave of life that overwhelms you.
The process isn’t perfect. You are human. When you mess up, when someone hurts you – grace.
There is always His purpose in your pain.
Don’t stay in the boat. Step out. He’s there.
I leave you with more the the word Carolyn gave to our team the other night.
“Will you settle for this half-hearted fooling around? Will you choose this weak and watered-down joke the world has to offer? I can create something out of nothing! Hold out your hands. Ask me and see if I will not open the floodgates of heaven and pour so much into your hands that you won’t fall! Have you been fishing all night? I tell you – throw your nets on the other side. Throw your nets on the other side! Do you see and ocean in front of you? You keep asking me to part the water. You’ve begged me again and again. You said, “are you god? Are you God?” I’ve said call to me and I will answer you.
It is:
Have courage.
Do no be afraid.
Come. Get out of the boat.
I don’t have to part the water.
I’m going to teach you to walk on it.
Come.
Come.
Come out of the boat.”
“You will only go as far as you go. How far do you want to go?”
