The World Race is a crazy thing, and God has taught me a lot of crazy things through it. One of those things being what I’m writing about today. This post is about something God’s taught me, sure, but it’s a lot more than that. It’s abut something God has worked out in me, and just like anyone who’s ever done Insanity with Shaun T can tell you, working out hurts.
But it’s ultimately good, so good, and as I continue to hear God’s voice more and more, I realize that more and more–that just because it hurts doesn’t mean I should shy away from it. That there are things available to me that I don’t take advantage of. There is freedom available to me always, but I don’t always realize/accept/obtain it.
So here it goes. Let’s walk in some freedom today.
In this case, freedom comes in the form of admitting that you’re wrong. Confessing it. Owning up to it. Apologizing for it. Asking for forgiveness.
It’s such a simple action, but it has such transformative power—on your life and the people around you. And I think, if we listen, it’s something God calls us to all the time. Not once a year, or once a month, but everyday.
And I don’t know about you, but I live in a culture where it’s all about the brush off. If we can ignore it, let’s just do that. If it’s hard, let’s just move on.
As human beings, we are never, ever, ever, ever, ever in a million years going to do everything right. Not now. Not ever. Never, ever. I would venture to say 99.9% of all humans would acknowledge this about themselves. That they’re going to offend people. That they’re going to say things out of anger, do things out of spite, withhold love when it’s needed, lie, cheat, manipulate, etc, etc.
We all know this about ourselves, but I’m going to ask you the tough question—how many people would you say know this about you? That you’re not always right? That you sometimes say things out of anger? That you can be offensive? That you withhold love?
Sure, I can probably look at your behavior and tell if you’re angry. Maybe I even know this about you, that you’re a person that gets angry. But that’s not what I’m getting at. What I’m asking is, how many people know you don’t always get it right? How many would say that you own up to that? That you can be manipulative, but that it’s not who you are. That you can do things out of spite, but that it’s not who you want to be?
How many people have you apologized to in the last week? In the last month? In the last year?
Like I said earlier, the World Race is a crazy thing. You’re forced to see yourself in a new light living in a close-knit community like this. You can’t do anything by yourself, meaning you’re always around other people meaning your chances of doing or saying something hurtful or out of annoyance are going to go up 10-fold. When I worked in a lab all day and the only mammals I was forced to interact with all day were monkeys and rats, yeah, you could say I had less to apologize for because I was interacting with like 3 people a day.
Now, as we make grocery lists as a team, travel as a team, take bathroom trips as a team, have “alone time” as a team, cook as a team, do ministry as a team and I’m not afforded the luxury (or the excuse) of just “brushing it off.”
I do a million things a day that God isn’t especially pleased with. I offend people. I say things that hurt because I’m annoyed with them. I don’t want to share because I think to myself, “why should I have to carry this heavy thing around in my pack for 10 months and then just let you use it whenever you want?” I don’t want to give grace when I feel like enough has already been given. I don’t want to speak up when it’s easier just to sit back and stay silent.
And even in the midst of all of that, God whispers to me, “That’s not who you are, that’s not who you are, that’s not who you are.”
And I believe him.
But would anyone else?
I always want to be someone who can surrender. Someone who can take off the cloak of pride that I sometimes like to wear, who can break off what feels like a piece of myself and just admit it, face-to-face. “I was wrong. What I did to you, what I said to you, that was wrong and I shouldn’t have done it, shouldn’t have said it. I’m sorry.”
Not a lot of people can say that, because while it’s easy to jump off the bridge into the water below, sometimes even without thinking, it’s not so easy to get back out again. It requires effort, real effort, and sometimes planning and scheduling and a session of psyching yourself up the ahead of time.
It’s easy to pull the trigger. Not so easy to dig the bullet back out again. And we’ve convinced ourselves that it’s not a big deal. That things will go back to normal in a few days. That the comment wasn’t that hurtful. That the friendship wasn’t that important anyway. That they’ll get over it.That we’ve already talked to God about it, so it’s fine. That we’re married, and that the sorry is just implied.
But I can tell you—heck, you can tell you—it’s not.
These offenses are like splinters. Sure, you’re not going to die if you leave it in, but it’s also never just going to come out on it’s own. It’s wedged in there, and the longer you leave it, the more you’re going to have to dig, and the more it’s going to hurt to get it back out.
I don’t want to live like that. I want to do the hard thing. I want to strive to be a person, not who never does anything wrong, but one who can own up to it when I do. I want to be the person who takes the splinter out, no matter how badly it might hurt, or how awkward it might be. I want to be free.
Don’t let pride dictate how free you can be. We hurt people, we make selfish decisions, we avoid, we bicker, we ignore and the list goes on and on.
But God knows that’s not who you are. He doesn’t call you angry, he calls you worthy. He doesn’t call you offensive, he calls you redeemed. He calls out to you when no one else will and says, “I know you, I know you, I know you, and this is not you.”
God knows that. But I’ll ask you, does anyone else?
If not, tell them. Apologize. Say, “I was wrong,” instead of just, “I’m sorry.” Anyone can be sorry. Not everyone, as I’ve learned, can be wrong.
Because I’ll tell you, if you can be wrong, if you can acknowledge that before man, you can do anything.
Love you all.
Bree
