This update is long overdue but I wanted to catch up with y’all. So we finished the Camino de Santiago. YAY!
I cannot convey how dang proud I am of my squad and of myself for this.
After that we traveled to Porto Portugal for final debrief. Not to get weepy buuuut that time and space with my brothers and sisters there will forever hold a spot in my heart.
Then on August 29th at 9am I landed in… MINNEAPOLIS! Walking to collect my backpack I felt equal parts happy to be reunited with family & home here and gutted at leaving the family & home(s) I’d found along the way. Simultaneously choking back tears and smiling I was incredibly blessed to be welcomed home by loved ones. Well eventually turns out they waited with their signs at the wrong gate lol.
My time since then has been sweet! Full of reunions with family and friends and even sweeter conversations. I love every single person in my life so deeply and these weeks have highlighted that to me. Naturally I’ve heard the question “So are you happy to be back?” a time or two. And each time I’m stunned. Huh. It should be an easy one but I haven’t been able to answer adequately. I usually smile and nod but couldn’t find the words. I felt like a walking dichotomy between how pleased I was to be in your company and how heartbroken I felt to not be squeezing the kiddos in Buenos Aires,singing days of the week with the class in Bogotá, worshipping with N squad, going on a road trip out of La Paz with papa Juan, jumping on the trampoline with the girls in India, and a million other places and moments.
This time has been a struggle. As familiar as my surroundings had become they didn’t comfort me like I expected or remembered them to. Finding out that’s what happens when you’ve radically grown and changed has been awkward and humbling. I felt at war with myself… equally desiring to be where I was as well as all the places I’d been. Meanwhile loneliness crept in too.
So I did the only thing I could & took all these feelings to the Father. I told Him ‘I did what you asked, I went where you said, I loved who you told me to love. Now I don’t know where to go or what to do or what you’re asking me to. Should I leave? Should I stay? If I leave where will I go? If I stay what will I do?’ On and on it went question after question. You know which one He answered? None of them. Literally not a one. Ha classic. Instead during that time he drew me closer to Him and comforted me.. He reminded me of all I had discovered this last year about who I am and how uniquely He’s made me. He made me empathetic and kind. He gave me eyes that see the kid in the corner or the quiet woman in the back. He poured out His compassion and love on me so abundantly I’m eager to give it out to those around me. He gave me ears that don’t just hear but actively listen. He gave me a heart that beats to serve. So I took these strings of things and worked with Him to tie them together. My heart for serving, loving, listening and encouraging people has led to cosmetology school. Last week I packed up my things (not in a backpack again) and moved up to Minneapolis. I settled into my apartment and began classes at Aveda Institute of Cosmetology.. (Mom says at least this time I’m only a couple hours away and not across the world) I don’t know where this will all lead to but I do know my steps are being directed by a pretty awesome God who takes me places I couldn’t imagine!
If you want to follow along on this next part of the journey I’ll update this insta: https://instagram.com/brevandellen?igshid=nupsrwnn37m3
