It's been a minute.
I can't believe you guys launch TOMORROW.
That's insane.
You all know by now that I won't be joining you the next 11 months…
which really sucks.
While at training camp, I was vulnerable about certain areas in my life and AIM staff felt it best that I continue seeking healing before I embark on this journey.
Needless to say, the past couple of months spent not preparing to launch have been extremely painful.
This is the last thing I wanted and I still struggle to understand why my raw honesty led to what feels like nothing but punishment.
I've questioned if the Race is even what I want anymore.
I've gone from shocked to broken to pissed to peaceful and back to pissed again numerous times.
I've cried more than I'd like to admit.
I've been confused, bitter, and resentful.
And most of all, I've allowed this setback to make me feel inadequate to do anything other than just sit still and attempt to work through all of my issues.
But what you guys don't know is…
when I didn't know if I'd ever hear from any of you again,
YOU have been my biggest encouragers throughout all of this.
I didn't come back home to a close community or big support system.
90% of the encouragement and life-giving words I've received came from you guys.
It seriously means more than you could even know.
I've done my best to properly grieve the loss of you guys as my squad,
but it has been far from easy.
In such a short amount of time I learned so much from Z squad.
You taught me about selflessness when conditions are far from comfortable.
You taught me about teamwork in the worst of circumstances.
You taught me about the power of prayer.
You taught me how to receive love when it seems so undeserving.
And after coming home, I have been loved on and encouraged by so many of you.
So in the times when this process remains more bitter than sweet for me
and I'm unable to subscribe to every single update or stalk every single blog,
just know that I'm cheering all of Z Squad on all the way from Alabama.
Your family members, pastors, communities, coaches, and classmates weren't at training camp.
I was.
They didn't see how you guys work together to problem solve,
how some of you lead silently and others so boldly,
how well you love each other,
how you pray in faith over one another with great expectation,
how it only took 24 hours for you guys to become family,
how you literally give up your belongings to make sure no one was in need,
how you serve each other and expect nothing in return,
and how quickly you learned an entire step routine which I'm assuming brought the house down at Squad Wars.
But I did.
And if they were able to witness everything I witnessed from you guys, I confidently believe they'd be even more proud of you guys than they already are.
Z Squad, I seriously could not be more proud of you guys.
I am so grateful.
Thank you for the time I got with you.
Thank you for teaching me.
For loving me.
As you launch out this week, I hope leaving brings more joy than sorrow.
I hope reuniting with each other is a literal breath of fresh air.
I hope you laugh more than you've laughed since Training Camp.
I hope you speak life into one another and call out the greatness you see.
I hope your individual teams unify like never before.
I hope you lean on each other and together learn to lean more on the Lord than ever before.
I hope you make petty cultural mistakes that call for the funniest and best memories.
I hope you eat terrible foods and cry tears of joy when you have toilet paper for the first time in three months.
I hope you take obnoxious risks and challenge each other to be crazier than you've ever been.
I hope the next 11 months are the best of your lives.
I love you all.
Now go freaking change the world.
-Bre
