In my late high school and college years, I battled a severe heart condition that flipped my world upside down and almost took my life. I was severely limited physically and was in and out of hospitals and on bed rest often. But being determined and empowered (my mom calls it “stubborn”) I still tried to live as normally as possible as a college student pursuing a physically demanding Zoology degree. Throughout the valleys and the hard times, I grew in my faith and trust in The Lord, leaning on Him in such desperate dependence that He revealed countless beautiful pictures of His character and His deep, deep love for me. Now, coming up on 7 years from my initial diagnosis, I am blessed and humbled to report I have a clean bill of health. The Lord healed me a couple years ago, a true answer to prayers. The Lord used those trials to mold me into the Follower He wants me to be and for that, I am so very thankful.
Since being healed and condition-free, my life has completely changed. I was sedentary for so long that it didn’t take long for me to let my impulsive and adventurous side (my mom calls it “recklessness”) to take over. I began to do anything and everything I could – biking, hiking, climbing, trekking, swimming, diving, skiing (although not very gracefully), working out, shooting, running – anything and everything I could. I had been limited for so long but had just tasted freedom from the chains and restraints my disease had bound me with. I couldn’t get enough!
After doing a little bit of every activity, I began focusing most of my time on running. There were other activities that I enjoyed abundantly more than running, but running was the most difficult and exhaustive for me, and running competitively was never something that I could have imagined myself doing while I was sick. I made running in races my goal. I ran my first 5K in September of 2012 and have run many equal and longer distance races since then, with training goals for a future half or full marathon.
Ever since I’ve been running races, my starting line experiences have always been the same. Every time I step up to the line, I am overcome with the same thoughts and feelings (which can be confirmed by my trusty running partner and best friend Carmen Limerick, who has struck off at nearly every starting line right by my side.)
“What am I doing here?!”
“I’m not cut out for this!”
“Look at the size of that dude’s calves!!”
“I don’t even enjoy this!”
“I didn’t train enough for this!”
“This is longer than I’ve ever gone before; what if I can’t finish?”
“I could be eating right now!”
“I PAID money for this?!”
“I will NOT be passed by the 75 year old women dressed up like white squirrels!!”
As I stretch and breathe and try to look like I belong, the feelings of inadequacy and unpreparedness and nervousness set in. A simple 10K shouldn’t be causing my guts to wrench like this. Get it together, Bre! The anxiety persists until it’s time to line up and Carmen and I exchange a glance and a laugh and say “Well, here goes nothing.” After the gun fires and I take off, my feelings of nervousness are always replaced with another equally overwhelming feeling: determination. With every stride, with every step, with every hill, with every cramp, I am consumed with feelings of thankfulness, awe, praise and worship. Every foot strike beats out the rhythm of the Lord’s grace, favor, and power He exercised to get me to this point. Am I the fastest runner on the course? Ha! By no means! Do I have to take an occasional break to walk and catch my breath? Undoubtedly! But my praise to God is not dependent upon setting new PRs or receiving a medal at the end. No. I praise God for just getting me to the starting line, knowing He will be with me every step, even if I trip or stumble or veer off course.
In 5 days I will be headed to WR Launch in Atlanta where I will be reunited with C Squad as we spend a few days together preparing to embark on our race. My starting line jitters have set in, but as one who has laced up her running shoes for many races before, I know what awaits. My Race will not be easy. I will be pushed to my limits, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I will make mistakes, I’ll stumble, and I will probably at some point regret stepping up to the line in the first place. But just as He has been with me in every foot race, guiding, strengthening, preparing, equipping, and empowering, He will be with me through this Race as well. And what awaits, the glorification of The Lord, new hearts surrendered to Him, my own soul strengthened and drawn nearer to Him, is so worth it.
As I step up, toes on the line, I appreciate every prayer that has and will be uttered on my behalf for this journey. I am blessed to have not only been given such a rich opportunity to serve Him, but also been made well enough to embark on this adventure. Thank you for your support and encouragement, friends. I am absolutely blessed to be able to announce to you that I am stepping up to the starting line of my Race FULLY FUNDED. Praise God, Jehovah Jireh, my Provider! I couldn’t have done it without you all! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the Founder and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the Cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” – Hebrews 12:1-2
Well… here goes nothing!
🙂
In His Steps,
Bre
