It is honestly impossible to write all that took place in the last 10 days of training camp, but I will do my best to be as honest and vulnerable as possible. First of all the fact that I even got to Georgia was a miracle, I had several issues with my plane ticket and hadn’t made the 4500$ deadline. At the last minute everything came together and I got approved to see my squad for the first time. I was going by faith, I only had 3900 in my account and had no money to my name within that moment. everything I had earned the following week went to bills and rent, but I knew God would make a way. He humbled me in many ways before training camp, I had the privilege to meet one of my squad mates early and she bought me lunch and dinner! I also arrived 2 days early and another of my squad mates let me sleep in his basement with some other teams members! God made a way where their seemed to be no way. If I’m honest it was super hard for me to receive I’ve been very independent most of my life, I’m great at giving but I struggle in the area of receiving. It was in the first days before training camp that God started to break my independence and prepare my heart for the next 10 days ahead of me.
Day one:
The first day was great! As with any conference or training camp the first day is always the easiest because your on your best behavior and you haven’t reached the point of vulnerability and the messiness that every human tends to carry. I fell in love with my squad from the moment I met them they are each so incredibly unique and host the presence of God in beauitful ways. Honestly I was a bit worried coming from a strong charismatic background and knowing that some of my squad were not used to how I worship etc. but i got over that very quickly. The Holy Spirit made it clear that these next 10 days were going to be days of rest and worship with him, I was not to look to the right or the left but focus wholly on him.
As we continued into the week it started to get a lot more real. We were pulled aside as a squad several times and told that we were the team picked to try and bring back what it truly means to live a Matt 10 life. Our leaders were amazing they highly honored all of us, but made it very clear they wanted our complete yes before we embark on this wild journey. The choice to go to the 10/40 window living out of a tent to love the lost and dispel the darkness started to get heavy. God asked me several times throughout the course of the week if I was ready to die. I’m not talking about having a martyr syndrome and stating I’m going to die, but I am talking about dying to myself. God was asking if I was ready to pick up my cross forsake the call and the achievements of this world and follow him. Was I willing to sacrifice my Isaac’s and trust him to bring those dreams and promises back to life? I prayed for him to break my heart for what breaks his and he began doing it in the way I expected least. He told me watch be silent and rest, those are things I have no clue how to do, but that’s what happened to me at training camp. I was loud and goofy the first few days but little by little he told me to be silent and watch. To love and learn about my team mates and to only speak and prophesy when I felt it was vital.
I began to see all of my squad mates in the light of the spirit of God, I was overwhelmed by the anointing and glory of God that they carried. I cried for joy when I had dreams of the exploits God is calling them into and completely honored and humbled to stand along side them!
It was during this time when we were on our hike and doing team building that the lies started to attack. God delivered me from and orphan mind set a while ago, but pain I thought I dealt with started to surface again. Watching all of these amazing men and women I started to wonder where I fit into the puzzle? What did I bring that could help? I started to struggle with comparison, performance and self pity. I honestly had no clue how I fit, but in my weakness God started to show me and give me instruction for the next 11 months.
The last 10 days were a total miracle! Somehow the holy spirit unified my squad and made us a family. We are all hungry for more, and we know we are meant for more. If there’s one revelation that God gave me at camp, it is that he is on the move. My generation is tired of religion and tired of the old stories of how it used to be. We are chasing after the glory of God! My squad and I are choosing a Matt 10 life. To many people we seem crazy and in many ways we are. Were not perfect and we mess up every day, but the grace of God and the blood of Christ covers us in our weakness. We choose to chase after God with every ounce of our being and to take risks. We are crazy enough to believe we can change the world and that there is still hope! God is on the move and hes asking his sons and daughters to make a stand and to carry his love to the ends of the earth! Our answer is YES! We will laugh together, we will cry together. Their will be joy and pain, but we choose to do hard things if it means that one will meet Jesus. It starts with you and me, it starts with our ultimate YES to Jesus:)
I am now home and starting work again, I am a bit scared about fundraising these next few months, but God will come through he always does;) If I could ask you anything it’s that you would pray for my squad and I that God would move in and through us this next year. The world needs the love of Jesus so badly and we have said yes to go! God can turn a nation in a day! There is still hope in this world and God just wants his sons and daughters to be the body hes created us to be:)
Thank you for reading! God bless you 100 fold
