It is 1:42 in the morning, and I have been sitting on the computer for nearly four hours now asking myself, “Why am I going on The World Race?”
I have been typing a couple lines at a time, and it seems that no matter what I type, it just doesnt answer this question sufficiently. Line after line I type, only for them to be deleted minutes later. However, after prayer, and a vanilla coke or two, I feel comfortable and content by simply answering:
This decision just makes sense.
That’s all I got. Those five words sum up the entirety of why I felt I needed to apply, accept the acceptance, and commit to this trip. It sounds like a cop out to many of you I am sure but it sounds perfect to me.
Starting in November of last year, God started sending me some pretty clear cut and dry messages that what I was doing was not enough. Now by no means was I out doing drugs, having sex, and living the rock and roll lifestyle, but I was not pushing myself in my walk with my Father, if that makes sense. It got so evident that I was accused on one occasion of having a “naive sense of ministry.” Needless to say, ouch. And I tell you what, I have never gotten my feathers all ruffled up more in my entire life, but I still could not deny the fact that this was true. It was a low blow, but sometimes we need those low blows to knock a decaying air outta us.
Long story short, it didnt take long for me after this to realize that this was true, but the question begged in my mind, “how would I fix this?” I had no idea.
I prayed on it for almost two months with nothin’. It’s like God was just sitting there in Heaven and just waiting for something to happen. It should be noted that I don’t like waiting. Who honestly does?! Answer, no one. But turns out God is pretty good at it. God is perfectly patient.
So what was He waiting for? A good question. It is my belief that He was waiting for me to stop trying to control everything. It is my belief that God wanted me to be reckless with my trust and faith in Him and to leave it to Him, not I, to form my ministry. Once I actually relinquished control, He revealed that he wanted me to literally jump into the unknown with Him without me having any idea of where He wanted to take me or anything. Talk about a “leap of faith”.
Enter The World Race, where the only thing you know is going to happen is that you are going to go to eleven different countries in eleven months time.
So I had a choice, either I:
- Take the next step forward and jump into the unknown with God where I could only rely on Him while I was on The World Race.
Or
- Throw my hands up in the air and retreat back to my hypocrisy and comfort.
So again, why run the race? For me, this just makes sense. I just feel God is calling me here, and so far he’s made this work. For why, I have no idea. I have absolutely no idea what God is going to show me through this next year and a half but I know He is going to show me something that I could not ever experience living my own sense of ministry. This trip calls and demands me to rely and trust only on God. I got accepted around two weeks ago and already I am needing to rely on only Him. The spiritual warfare is ridiculous. So much so that I have on numerous times just immediately prayed to God and gave it up to Him because only He can help me through it. Who would have thought that the devil would not want someone on a mission trip? 😉
This trip is going to be intense and I have never been more excited to do something for God in my life, let alone jump into the unknown with Him. But when the chips are down and I am demanded to give an answer to why I am going on The World Race, all I can say is “This just makes sense.”
