For the past couple of days, I have been pondering what I was going to write about for my next blog post. With little avail, I was completely at a loss for what I was going to post. So I decided to cheat a little and get some ideas from my fellow racers, and reading the titles of some of their blogs I was kind of shocked by the titles of some of the blogs I read.
“God Graciously Destroyed My Life”
“A Life Well Ruined”
and some as straight forwardly barbed as “God Ruined My Life”
Well alrighty then, excuse me as I take a step back from you in preparation to a possible smiting. Now that joke was probably a LITTLE too harsh and I apologize for that but you get what I am saying. I want to take a moment and caution my fellow racers that these titles sound a little too passive aggressive. Especially, when you consider where they are aimed at.
Yes, there are pieces of me that do not want to go on this trip either but I am not going to be bold enough to say that he ruined my life by having me go on it. If you think about it, if anyone ruined our lives, it was us and us alone. It says so very clearly in the Bible that everything God does is for his glory but also for OUR BENEFIT. Everything that he does is BETTER than what we could possibly ever come up with on our own. When God basically said that I NEEDED to go on this trip, I was pretty cautious, and fought with him on it for several months and tried to convince him that I could do it on my own. I argued with him on multiple occasions that I could fix my problems if he could just give me another chance. It almost sounded like I was trying to plead with a judge to not send me to jail. “OH PLEASE GOD ANYTHING BUT A MISSSION TRIP! I’LL BE A BETTER PERSON IF YOU JUST GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE!” But instead, God made it pretty stinkin’ clear to me that I needed this to learn how to trust Him better. For years I had constantly tried to do things on my own because I had never had my chance to live what I wanted to live like. My brother always took my parents attention away from me and my siblings and my life was therefore, more or less, dependent on what happened around the chaos of the relationship between my brother and parents. So even if it was a terrible opportunity, anytime I saw an opportunity to leave the Pandora’s Box that was my family’s house, I jumped at it. But each time, God kept on catching me mid-pounce to avoid a lifestyle, a job, or a potentially damaging opportunity, until he literally told me to just wait and actually trust Him like I promised I would when I became a Christian.
I realize now that, each opportunity in the past that I attempted to pounce onto was me trying to control my own destiny and essentially be my own God, which no human being has the reason to do. It is now clear to me that the reason I wanted that control is not because I had God in the center of my decisions but because I truly struggle with being vulnerable and open to the elements of the unknown (Got a near anxiety attack just typing that. WOW! WE STRUCK A NERVE! lol), and changing my plans at the last minute is probably the best thing that God has ever done for me. It’s still hard to literally leave all that I want and value in my life and I still want what I want (who doesn’t?), but I am finally coming to grips with the fact that whatever God gives me will either be equal or better than what I could possibly ask for. This, for me is like the verse where Jesus talks about children asking for bread from their parents. Loving parents aren’t going to give him a snake. And isn’t that what God is similar too? A loving parent?
So again, I challenge you all to not take passive aggressive stances on your trips, or use words that symbolize aggressively passive stabs at what God has planned for you. Don’t be a child. This trip will be for your benefit and God’s glory. Shouldn’t that be all you need? And for the readers reading this, who aren’t going on this trip but are going on a journey in life where God is challenging you somehow. There IS a plan for you believe it or not. God has a dream for you and He has not forgotten you, so do not forget what His love is like. If God calls you to something, He will see you through it because His love for you is so great, so wide, so long, and so amazingly awe inspiring that words do not capture the full expression of what His true love for you really is. So be strong! Be bold! Be courageous, and know that what God has planned for you is going to be for his glory but worth your while as well.
Will you be scared sometimes to do it? Yeah. Look at me. I damn near had a heart attack just typing my fear of vulnerability and the unknown into words. Like, no joke. But, for the love of Pete, do not let that stop you. Fear is real at times, but it is never bigger than our God. Through our weaknesses, God is strong. Through our fears, God is comforting. And through all things, God will be with you. The only question is simply, whether or not you will actually trust Him with what He is doing. We cannot be Christians without trust, and we cannot fully trust without actually getting up and putting our faith into action. So get up, and take your fears head on. Be. A. Christian.
In His Name,
Brandon Williams
De Colores
