Tonight I have been frozen stiff in my thoughts. The fears of the upcoming 9 months rage at me, telling me that this isn’t going to be what I know deep down what its going to be.
What if I fail? What if my team doesn’t get along? What if I’m going to mess something up? What if I don’t have enough faith? Am I going to make an impact? What if I look back at this trip and feel disappointed?
What if I am ruined by my fear?
But tonight I was at my friend’s youth group, and the best thing happened to me regarding my fear. The youth pastor there is one of the most intriguing people I have met. I just have to mention that he is so free and makes fun of the church for its super-christians and its pursuit of religion. Its like he’s not a christian but he is because he doesn’t see himself as better than world and just walks intimately with God. Its awesome.
Okay. Slight rabbit trail — to my point. Right at the end of the sermon he just starts talking directly to me. He told me that in his spirit he is feeling that I am dealing with fear for the World Race (I never told anyone that tonight), and that he told me that he is praying on this trip for God to hit my fear and doubt with a force so hard it will never return. Like what happened to Gideon in the bible after he saw God deliver him huge victory after huge victory. He spoke that over as a promise, and as he said it, it was like he saw straight into my soul. And he later told me that he was just feeling inside his excitement for me for this trip.
Woah. Right in the middle of my fear God speaks right through someone to comfort me. I wanted to express my fears to people I was with but I just felt afraid of other Christians judging me for my fear and doubt. Plus, I was thinking “If someone would just tell me they are excited for me, I would feel really great about this.” And, well, he did. Just like that. God showed me again that He knows my thoughts and my silent cries out to him.
God is so faithful to me. When he sees me struggling silently, He notices and sends help. Even back home where I feel so spiritually alone, God always puts it on random people’s hearts to say exactly what I needed to hear. He looks out for his kids.
God will hit my fears and doubts with a force so strong they will never return.
God will strengthen me and help me.
People will see Jesus in me.
I am accepted, loved, and valuable.
This trip has more in store for me than what I could ask or imagine.
I am destined for greatness.
