I know it’s been a couple weeks since my last blog, so I’ll try to fit everything in without making this too long!
A couple weeks ago we helped bring relief to a number of families who lost their small homes to a gas explosion in a neighborhood near the ministry center. From what I heard, 16 homes were destroyed but luckily nobody was seriously hurt or killed.
Austin, my teammate, remarked “they had nothing, but lost everything” as we worked during the night to rebuild their simple wood-framed tin houses before the rains came. These were simple people who had very little to live on. When they lost their homes and all that was in them, they didn’t seem too worried or downcast. I saw the parents laughing and talking with one another and the kids just as happy as ever as they mingled in the spaces where their homes were. These were some of the least materialistic people I have seen!
The day after we helped rebuild the homes, my team joined the rest of the squad in Antigua for debrief – a time of getting poured into spiritually and reconnecting with our other friends on the squad. It was a grand time. Most of the time we just relaxed around town, took walks, and hung out with people. I got to enjoy and get to know many other people and reconnect with them. There was hardly a meal that I didn’t spend with just one person (often a fellow introvert), sharing stories about our lives before and during the Race.
Above are pictures of debrief: 1. Sam enjoys his freedom and opportunity to rest. 2. Team Toolbox being super cool. Ross wanted to be especially mentioned; Ross was looking great in this picture. 3. Having coffee with Ansley was awesome! This was one of the many great one-on-ones I had with my friends.
I was once again amazed at the diversity of my squad because everybody I hung out with was uniquely different. They varied greatly in where they were from, what their families were like, what they had a passion for, and so on. A classic example of the unified Church – diverse, dynamically skilled and well-rounded in gifting, passion, and personality and yet all living wholeheartedly for God.
Newly refreshed from debrief, I entered ministry this week with more and more boldness. I even had the courage to dress up as batman and dance with kids during Guatemalan kids day on the 30th. Every aspect was way out of my comfort zone, yet I felt a supernatural peace and confidence.
It’s been wonderful living this adventure. Although I often feel uncomfortable and awkward as I take steps of obedience in every part of my day, I feel alive. Chad Johnson, on his mission trip to Columbia, remarks in his documentary Esto es Reino, “We were right out of our comfort zones, but it was right where we were meant to be.”
Brandon, nor his comfort zone, are located in this picture. But it was a blast!
And you know what I realized about myself? I love my relationship with God. I want everyone to walk with God like I do. It’s certainly not perfect, but the way I follow God gives me so much love, comfort, peace, etc. that I just want the whole world to have what I have. My intention is not to have people have the exact same walk with God, but one that is personalized for each person in a way that connects them the best with God. One thing I love so much about walking with God lately is that God has given me the ability to be invincible in a spiritual and emotional way.
Like, when the “storms” of my day come – people not saying the nicest things about me or my actions, or people not treating me with grace, I don’t get shaken or discouraged. I do get concerned, but there has been this part of me that isn’t overwhelmed or crushed like I was used to being when these moments came.
I have noticed that I’ve been given this ability to sing and dance through the most difficult of moments. I can end the worst day really not being too upset about it. Its great walking closely with God. In fact, it’s a freakin’ blast. I pray that those who read this blog will see Jesus for who He is, as well as hear and sense God’s thoughts about them.
However, the biggest struggle for me was to keep following Jesus like I have been. My biggest enemy in my walk with God is the religion of passion and being a “super-Christian.” I shall introduce a story to explain:
Luke 10:38-42(NIV)
At the Home of Martha and Mary
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
I find that so many Christians are like Martha. Martha felt that bringing God the most glory was about what she did to honor Him. I notice the mentality of many Christians is to be as passionate and sold out for God as possible, and in a way they became servants of the religion of passion. It’s not really the same as legalism as I know it, but a way of living for God that is dependent on their commitment to God.
But what Jesus explains in the story is that what He truly wants for His followers is to sit, rest, and receive. All the big and great stuff will come, but not without simply being His and nothing else.
I was a Martha in my own way for the longest time. I wanted to follow God with everything I had and in every way possible. I prayed and read the bible as often as possible. I memorized scripture, worked up myself a great, unshakable passion for God and all that He was. But it was something I built with all my own ability.
I did everything for God that I had the strength and courage to do. But I hit this point when my passion and love for God ran dry – after Junior year to be exact. But it was at that point – when I was well aware of my shame and failures before God and the people I was closest to – that God told me something so profound that it’s mark on my life never leaves me to this day. God said:
Yes, you may have failed. But I have never failed you.
It was when God said that that I realized it was all about Jesus and what He has done for me. I knew in that place that God’s forgiveness and salvation were still mine, even after I realized he should have stormed out of my life in frustration. Following Jesus is all focused on how Jesus followed me. I know that I had failed God, but the way God had never failed me was far more powerful than all the following God I had done and will do for the rest of my life. God was my God even when I didn’t make God mine in my heart in that season of failure.
From then on, I realized that God was never more or less present during my life because having God never rested on what I did or strove to be. All I thought I could earn is just mine because Jesus made the effort and kept His promises.
Since then, I feel God most when I am being myself in every way. My best moments with God happen not in the bible or worship all the time, but when I simply let go of the person I think will get me all the rewards in heaven. It’s when believe God loves me – as I am being myself when I rock out to my favorite music, playing tennis, going on walks or just playing games with people that I know God is with me.
Christians, I challenge you to let go of your passion for God. I challenge you become the person who to sits and listens, and let what you hear from God settle deep inside of you. Don’t listen to the voice that pushes you to look more perfect/holy or productive before people.
I promise you that you are going to bear more fruit in your life than you could ever imagine by letting God love you. I promise you that you will discover the kind of relationship with God you want everyone to have when you receive God’s love for you. I’ve seen in personally unfold in my life, and I pray that God whoever reads this would truly soak in His words.
Peace out! Stay classy everyone!
Brandon
