When soldiers join the military, they are all required to endure a few weeks of boot camp in order to prepare them for the battle ahead. They are often changed drastically in both their physical appearance and emotional strength.
Sort of like boot camp, all racers endure a 10 day training camp to prepare them for the battles that lie ahead of them. In the humid Georgia heat, we went through a number of trials and experiences, and preparation that was both exhausting, fun, powerful, and challenging.
We enjoyed food different from parts of the world, sometimes in portions far too small to fill my belly. Clif bars had the same value as gold bars amongst us. We did many team building experiences with different combinations of squad mates and were eventually assigned into teams by the trainers. The guys did an epic man hike on the Appalachian trail. A number of our squad mates got injured or sick — a few people passed out, my friend Sam cut his head open cutting firewood and got stitches, and many people got a sore throat (#spiritualwarfare?). A few days were humid and over 100 degrees, which was felt to a greater extent in the porta-johns.
But the worship was off the charts, the messages were empowering and life giving, and every activity tested my strength on a number of levels. It was a rare sight seeing so many Christians of similar passion in the same place. Every Racer takes away something different while also learning deeply about themselves.
So what happened to me?
The biggest thing was that I started to realize who I was made to be. This was my first time being away from people that knew me, so in a lot of ways it was like a clean slate. I learned about the kind of people that I can work best with and what kind of people that I can connect with the most. Also, I realized I was shining more of the light that was stored up inside me because I didn’t care what people thought as much. I noticed myself pouring love out to people so much more that I had back home. I just was myself. I was the Brandon that I was made to be with no strings attached and pretty much nothing held back. And with that I am starting to realize that my story, as well as the things God has walked me out of and in to, actually have value and the power to help others.
And, oh, one other thing: I became a team leader! ha…. So, God is really funny. Knowing that I have an innate fear of leadership after my disastrous ROTC fiasco, God was like “I’ll make Brandon a leader.” I was like “Yay. Thanks God…. ” All of the old fears and insecurities came alive again. All the flashbacks of my embarrassments and failures as a leader came back to me in a rush the moment I became a team leader. All the times I was kicked when I was down, never good enough even when at my best. It just felt humiliating. I was reminded of the pressure to be a certain someone that restrained the real Brandon from shining out during my time as a leader.
In fact, coupled with stress from being in big crowds, my leadership memories were so debilitating that I basically had an anxiety attack when I had to lead my team for the first time during a busy market scenario. But unlike my past experiences, I was met with grace. The kind of grace that helps soothe the old wounds. More than that, I have a team that’s on my side and there for me. Plus, I have mentors who likewise treat me with grace and help me believe the Lord’s anointing on my life.
I chose the World Race so I could change, and with change comes pain. And the moment I was invited to be a leader, I said yes because it would be especially painful for me. It brings up a lot of junk that I buried deep inside. One quote comes to mind when I think about what I face and why I face it:
“God, I would rather lean forward and live according to your heart and your character rather than what I feel inside.”
-Dan Baumann as he was about to enter Iran as a missionary.
So now I lean. World Race here I come!!!
