It has been a minute since last time I wrote on here. I have actually been journaling a lot more and so my writing time has become more intimate. I think it is a good step for me. I am actually writing every day and “processing” so much more. I put the quotes because, not too long ago, I wasn’t much of a fan of “processing”. I was a full speed ahead kinda guy! Let’s take it head on and go straight to the next thing in line. If I need to go over it again, He will bring it up. Looking back, I know that this made my best friend a little anxious sometimes. Her name is Rachel and she has walked through the better part of my redeemed life with me. She is an amazing woman of God and I am absolutely in love with her! Her example and inspiration has been influential in me learning that processing is a mature function that when used while sitting with Jesus is a huge catalyst for growth. Needless to say I have been doing a lot of processing of late. Jesus is doing so much in my heart and it’s incredible. Jesus has actually been using Rach to guide me towards the man of God that He created me to be. It is such a beautiful thing and I am so thankful for her!
A very common prayer for missionaries is, “break my heart for what breaks Yours”. He did. My heart has broken for the way that women are being treated all over the world and in essence have been treated most of existence. I wrote about this in one of my recent blogs, Man of God? He has been speaking to my heart about how this travesty will begin to stop when men begin to take responsibility for their actions.
This month on The World Race, we are doing manistry. This is where you split teams by gender and on our side of things you end up with a bunch of men doing “man things”. Mostly throwing around giant boulders and taking shots of @oystersauce. I apologize if the reference slips past you. Tonight, we watched a sermon by Mark Driscoll called The Porn Path. If you haven’t seen it, you need to. Christian or not, watch it! If you have or plan on having children, watch it! If you are breathing right now, watch it! Porn is a huge problem! I would know. I was addicted to porn for close to 15 years. Not many knew. It is something that the enemy likes to keep in the darkness and continue to use against you. In fact I think this will be the first time most of my family even hear about it. It perverts the truth of how God intends men to treat women and even look at them. It controlled my life and left me as a shell of a man. It is also spiritual kryptonite. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was crippling my spirit. The very part of my being that God created to run point in my life. I have been free for almost two years and yet it still tries to haunt me.
Jesus did some work on me today. If you don’t know me, I am a very spiritual person. I love my Holy Spirit and I love sitting in His presence. I was doing just that when I started to think about the sermon Ryan mentioned we were going to watch tonight. He said that they interview a former porn star that has found her way back to Jesus. Images started coming to the front of my mind and I started to freak out a little bit. Here I am sitting in the presence of the Lord, the holiest of places for me, and images and memories from my past sins are trying to haunt me. I didn’t like it one bit. At the same time, I felt like the Lord wanted to do something through it. I heard Him tell me to go have Jake and Thomas pray for me. I walked in, told them nothing of what was going on, and asked for prayer. Their words, led by the Spirit, brought strength and confidence to me. I went back to my sleeping pad and lay down. I don’t think that I ever really left His Presence, but I fully immersed myself into it none the less. He then said to me, “I am going to perform surgery on you”.
The next three plus hours were intense to say the least. Fully vulnerable to Jesus, memories started to come up. Memories and images that would have usually brought shame and guilt among other devices of the enemy. There was no shame. There was no guilt. My deepest darkest sins were being placed seemingly between me and my Jesus and each time, innocence and freedom was the answer. For hours so many things were brought up that I could not have possibly brought up with my own mental capacity. It seemed as if time stood still as I sat before the Living God and He plucked instance after instance of sin out of my brain and said, “this won’t keep you from Me either!” There was a point where I lost “consciousness” and yet I don’t believe that sleep had over taken me. When I came to, I felt so clean and holy. Memories had literally been washed away!
In the sermon, Mark Driscoll says that science has proven that porn and anything related to it, causes new neural pathways to be created in your brain. These pathways are sort of a fast track to lust. Now while he was explaining the science of it, I was getting hit with revelation. Jesus walked me down these very pathways, dug up the root and throwing the root on the fire, started the process of closing them for good. Now this might sound crazy to some if not most of you, but I know that Jesus can do anything! I say started the process, because I feel like there is even more to come. He is purifying my mind!
The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy! This means that what He does for me, He can do for you! Freedom is coming for men around the world. They are starting to rise up and grab onto their destiny. He is opening our ears and eyes to the cry of His heart and things are changing. The winds of revival are shaking the very foundations of the Earth!
Women, pray for your future! Pray for the man He has for you! Your prayers for him are more powerful than you know. Jesus gave me a really awesome revelation. Rachel’s prayers for me while I was still lost, had a huge impact on bringing me out of my mess and starting me on the paths of righteousness. Even to the point of partnering with Him in keeping me from dying a couple of times! That’s huge! Thank you, woman of my dreams, for the part you have played in my freedom and redemption!
