Sitting in a dark room in the Philippines the day before we left for Thailand with Y-Squad, as the squad begins to sing around candlelight, and I notice something. The words of the song speak of God’s light shining in all the world and how His light will conquer darkness and here we are, singing, in the dark. I tried to write about this interesting paradoxical moment in my journal as I thought about it but it was too dark in the room to even write it down. It was at that moment that I realized how boring this “worship” thing is.
If you have grown up in the church for any substantial amount of time it is likely that you have heard it said that worship is not just music but the very way you live your life and what you give to the Lord. Now let’s be honest with ourselves. How often do we bow our heads in prayer saying, “now let us enter into a time of worship.” Or when was the last time you ran into a room that needed to be painted excitedly proclaiming “let’s stand up and praise the Lord today.” Now understand that I am not sitting here saying that singing to God is not a legitimate form of worship because it is and I love to sing. What I am saying is that the reality of what it means to worship the vast, holy, ultimate, and everlasting God of the universe is more than what I could ever expect from just singing some songs in the dark. In that dimly lit room I felt myself placed in this box. You see, it is impossible to put God in the box, only ourselves, and I was sitting in the box of emotional worship.
Music is such an amazing form of worship because it is an emotional experience. Our emotions are so powerful and are to be used to worship God…But we are made of so much more than our emotions. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.” In that little room full of 43 other men and women of God I made a decision. I decided to declare to God that I want more. I am ready to worship with everything. By everything, I mean EVERYTHING that I have. I have made the decision for God to use me in whatever way possible in order to better worship him with EVERYTHING. I believe that everything is created in proper balance within us. We have been given emotions, given flesh, given intellect, given souls. ALL of us were created to worship the creator of EVERYTHING and when there is an improper balance of these pieces of our being, then what I have recently experienced; boredom, apathy, exhaustion, and anger are going to be the outcome.
God, I give you EVERYTHING. I choose to do whatever it takes and whatever you ask of me if it means I can have the honor to worship you with every piece of my being. Take me to new levels of intimacy with you and show me more of your face, more of your power, more of your grace, and more of your love. I am so freakin’ desperate for you that it is just driving me insane. God, this is such a dangerous prayer but I beg you and give you authority in my life to move in me. I love you my God.
The Man With Unclean Lips,
Brandon Barnum
