It’s been hard to sit here and stare at this blank page so I had plug in my headphones and what came out were the words couldn’t have been more true to my life right now.
“My money was all spent.
But I felt so alive
I was chasing down the dream
Like you always taught me to
But the evergreens and caffeine Still remind me of you
I’m coming home to the place that I remember
Back to the land of my first love
Would you spread wide your arms for this wayward son?
I left my heart in Oregon.”
(Coming Home by Mat Kearney)
I’m coming home.
I’ve spent an entire 11 months with my heart settled into a million different places.
I’ve spent the entire 11 months trying so hard to stay present in where I was that I forgot about this part.
I forgot about how much I freaking love Oregon.
Anytime I pictured what my life would be like after the race, I didn’t envision myself spending much time (beyond visiting with the people I love a lot) back in my hometown.
My wandering heart dreamed up a billion different things I could do.
I hoped I’d touch down, hug some people, drink some coffee from Gear Up, eat a pretzel burger from Gallon House and then head right back to the airport for my next grand adventure.
That was until I very clearly heard the Lord whisper “go home”.
It was the words I didn’t expect to hear.
Can I be honest?
Good cause I’m going to be whether you said yes to that or not.
As I sit here in a cute little coffee shop overlooking the city of Grand Rapids, Michigan sitting next to some of my very best friends from YWAM, tears are starting to form in my eyes.
My heart is broken.
My heart is broken for the friends I had to say goodbye to that I just want to be able to see consistently.
My heart is broken for the kids in Malawi that would steal the garbage out of my hands to find extra scraps of food.
My heart is broken for the parentless children that I got to hang out with in Thailand.
It freaks me out when I walk into a grocery store and I see 62 different types of cereal instead of the classic Cornflakes and chocolate flavored cardboard apparently called cereal.
It freaks me out when I see 43 different kinds of shampoo and conditioner so I have to have my friends choose one for me.
It freaks me out when everybody around me speaks English.
It especially freaks me out that I’m falling right back into the comfortability of it all.
I don’t really know what’s next for me, I’m still praying about some things that the Lord has been speaking and waiting on His timing for it all.
For now, I plan on spending my days staying in as much in my rhythm and routine of abandonment and lack of comfortability that I found on the race while I catch up with all the people I love and maybe start putting some money back into my savings account.
See you all SO SOON!!
Xoxo
Bran
p.s. If you know of anybody trying to get rid of a bike or a car for cheap, ya girl is in the market for one! Shoot me a message or a text if you’ve gotten any leads..my number is still the same!
