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  this is part two of a four part blog series.  click on the links below for:

part one: slavery
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As I sat on the couch with my Kenyan tea, iPod and the Deuteronomy 8 passage open in front of me, I wondered: if I were in the wilderness now, could it be that I’d been delivered into it from some sort of slavery?
 
Hmmmm…I supposed so. So, I asked, “What was it Lord? What did you deliver me from?”
 
“pride & self-reliance.”

Came the ever so gentle answer from above.

Ouch. These two character traits are continual stumbling blocks for me. I’ve been an independent, strong-willed and stubborn woman since, at least, college and struggle with passing silent judgement on others in order to make myself feel better. A friend of mine once wrote me an email once in which he described what pride was, as he understood it.  I found myself identifying with some of the “prideful” things he did.  This is what he wrote,  

      “[There is a] difference between pride and truthfulness.  It is not prideful to staty who you
      especially who you are in Jesus), to speak the truth, or to let your thoughts be made known.  Pride is
      knocking others down so you look better (which I have done).  Pride is dealing with people out of
      arrogance or a sense of superiority (again, guilty).  Pride is desiring attention or regognition for what
      you do or say (sooooooo been there).”
     

The Lord reminded me that, prior to applying for the Race, I’d had a spirit of pride & self-reliance in regards to it, specifically as it related to provision for the $14k program fee and the even higher debt amount I was carrying. My thought process went something like this: 

“I will pay off the debt and You (Father) can provide the program fee.”

In my mind, the debt was my responsibility. I had incurred it. I had been the selfish, impulsive, impatient, materialistic and immature daughter who’d spent more than my Father had entrusted me with. If I didn’t pay it off, it wouldn’t get done. But, if I were being completely honest, eliminating the debt was also an accomplishment I secretly relished. In some sick and twisted way, I wanted to have the achievement of working hard to pay it off to show everyone that I, at least now, was responsible.
 

[the eyes of four of the B.R.A.D.Y. ladies]
 
When Father first showed me these errors, He used the story of Gideon in Judges, chapter 7. Gideon’s headed into battle with the Midianites. He has 20,000 men. God cuts that number to 300 “in order that Israel may not boast against [Him] that her own strength has saved her” (v.2) and delivers the Midianites into Gideon’s hands with them.

For me, the Lord prevented me from being able to claim any financialresponsibility in completing the Race – therefore delivering me from the slavery of financial pride & self-reliance – by having me launch with just enough money in my support account for the launch goal, but an abundant amount of personal funds raised during fundraising events to cover the debt that other people had not already stepped in to cover on my behalf. He then provided the rest of the program fee as the Race progressed. In this way, it was impossible for me to “boast against [Him]” that I’d provided $20k in debt and He’d provided the $14k program fee.

Deliverance!! 

…and the wilderness.

  

[left to right: my band at a Chick-fil-A fundraising event I held for the Race; a skull at Nakuru National Park in Nakuru, Kenya]

[…continue to part three: the (delivered) wilderness]