I don’t even know where to start.
Do you ever feel as if your mind is racing through thoughts and you want to stop, just for a second, to process all of them, but, when you do stop, there’s nothing but emptiness?
This has been my brain for two weeks now.
There have been moments of clarity. And, thankfully, that clarity has been able to be published on this blog. It’s kind of like I have alphabet soup in a bowl in front of me and every so often the hint of a word will appear as the letters float to the top. If I could just get one word formed, I’d be off and running again; at least with that one word. Then, I could go back and wait for the next word to form.
But, words are not forming. It’s all just mush.
And this frustrates me.
Why? Because I am a “words” person. I like them. Very much. I don’t claim to use them well, but I do enjoy the purpose of words.
Words empower.
Words destroy.
Words enlighten.
Words portray.
Words speak.
I used to feel fairly confident in my ability to both form and use words effectively. Two years ago, however, that changed. I don’t know how or why, but it did. I found myself no longer able to effectively communicate the thoughts & feelings I had. It seems like it takes me fifteen words to communicate what used to take me five. AND the fifteen words might get the point across where the five would definitely get it across. When this began, I felt like Father was behind it and that He was saying “Will you just SHUT UP?! No one wants to hear you talk. No one needs to hear you talk. They want and need ME. So, I will cause you to not make sense so that people (and you!!) will turn to Me for the words, not you.” I don’t know if this is really what was (or is) happening or not. But, regardless, I find myself in the same unable-to-effectively-communicate-my-thoughts boat I found myself in then.
Which sucks for you guys ’cause
when and
if you get any blogs at all, they will quite possibly be a bit scattered and confused, not to mention come all at once (partly due to limited internet access). So, thank you to those who still follow them!! I am so honored you choose to follow His perfect workings through my feeble words. Perhaps part of this 11 month journey will include sharpening my writing skills.
J
[p.s. stay tuned for a blog on our ministry in the dumps today. I promise to get it up soon…]
