So it’s kind of apparent that I am not too good at this blogging
thing… I thought I would struggle to keep up but not this much. I’m
sorry to all of you readers and I hope that you would keep supporting
me and I promise to be better once we have training (3 weeks).
thing… I thought I would struggle to keep up but not this much. I’m
sorry to all of you readers and I hope that you would keep supporting
me and I promise to be better once we have training (3 weeks).
A while back I sort of journaled some of my thoughts and this was
kind of what got me on this whole “fears” thing in the first place, I
was just hesitant to actually write it out. I didn’t originally write
this much, but I’m sort of thinking through it and talking with Christ
while I’m typing so bare with me.
kind of what got me on this whole “fears” thing in the first place, I
was just hesitant to actually write it out. I didn’t originally write
this much, but I’m sort of thinking through it and talking with Christ
while I’m typing so bare with me.
People ask me all the time what I’m most excited about for The World Race, but more often people ask me about what my biggest fear is. I usually give them answers that resemble my past two “Fears” posts, something that is easy to comprehend as a fear. “I’m scared I’ll have to eat a tarantula,” or “Getting caught up in security at the airport.” The reason why I say these things are because I don’t know how to express my real fear. (I’m going to try here, but I apologize if it all comes out jumbled). I was talking with my mother last night on the phone about when it will really sink in that I’m going on the World Race. Sometimes I think that it will all become reality during training camp. Sometimes I think it will hit me once my team meets up in L.A. to fly out to the Philippines. But I said to my mom, “Honestly, I probably won’t understand the reality of it until Kenya when we’re three months into the trip.” All of this just isn’t real yet. Talking through a blog or facebook and seeing pictures of my teammates just isn’t real to me. Most of my friends and family could tell you that I am horrible at keeping in touch with them. It’s because I can’t comprehend a real relationship if I’m not face-to-face with them. I’m sorry to anyone that I’ve offended in the past because of this fault I have, and this is me apologizing in advance for when I do the same thing in the future. I have a problem understanding reality.
My fear is once I start the World Race, I will realize that the first 22 years of my life didn’t really mean anything. I am afraid that God will open my eyes to the fact that I was a “goat” all my life (Matt. 25:31-46). I will finally understand what life is really all about and how God intended it to be, while for all of my life up to this point I merely played along, hoping that what I was doing in life was the right thing. I fear that my life of “privilege” was actually a curse put on me and my brothers and sisters by our elders and “founding fathers” in order to keep me from truly experiencing the Kingdom of God as Christ designed it to be; in order to keep my fellow man and woman from really taking part in the Love of our Creator, leading us to enjoy our lives of complacency. I fear that there was an infinite amount of opportunities to share this world with my brothers and sisters suffering throughout creation and yet I did not take those opportunities. I fear that I will see others in different cultures truly experiencing and understanding Life and the Giver of that Life, while I actually know no
thing about God because I know nothing about Life. I fear that the people our society thinks of as so insignificant are the people I should actually be caring about the most and that their thoughts of me and my complete lack of experience in life will burn a hole right through me.
thing about God because I know nothing about Life. I fear that the people our society thinks of as so insignificant are the people I should actually be caring about the most and that their thoughts of me and my complete lack of experience in life will burn a hole right through me.
I continue to ask myself how God can actually use me to do His work in His World during The Race. I keep asking Him to guide me in understanding how I can serve Him and His People. And the only Answer I keep receiving from Christ (my General, my Leader, and my Comrade) is to follow His Word. The four gospels in the Bible, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, are filled with the direction and calling of Christ. He’s not just telling stories and parables for the fun of it. Jesus isn’t just teaching the twelve disciples in those days for their lives until they die, and then *poof* everything Christ taught is invalid and expired. Christ’s words, which in some Bibles magically appear in Red lettering, apply to everyone everywhere, all the time. Christ’s teachings are like literature (as my eleventh grade English teacher so pounded into my head) in that they have and always will withstand the test of time. What Christ told His disciples He is also telling me (which brings on another fear if you read Luke 10:4).
The next year is going to be hard- there’s no doubt about that. I’m going to be changed so much and I will be stripped of who I grew up as. There will be lots of times when I stand with my head in my hands not knowing what I can do to serve God. But all Christ is calling me to do is to follow His word and to Love as He has loved me. My eyes will be opened and it is going to be painful. But hopefully I can finally get this plank out of my own eye that has blinded me for so long.
Thank you for reading.
