After spending 2 months in Nicaragua I have left and rejoined my squad in Antigua, Guatemala. I really felt like I left a piece of myself back there. I couldn’t explain to you what it was that I loved so much about Nicaragua (and Granada in particular), I just know I did. As we rode the bus that would take us north through Honduras, El Salvador, and eventually here to Guatemala I struggled to put my feelings into words. This is the best I could do:
a renegade tear slips down my cheek
tearing an invisible hole in my heart.
healing will come in time but the scar will remain,
a steadfast reminder of my time in this place.
change is as steady as the hands of a clock.
time moves on and I must too.
I’m just so tired of leaving
of changing
of rearranging.
I’m tired of “goodbye”s
and
“see you later”s
and
“hopefully I’ll see you soon”s
can’t time stop,
wait a beat,
let me catch my breath?
I’m running in circles
dizzy and confused
lost and disoriented,
grasping for a strand of normalcy
trying to remember something comfy…
what country am I in?
A page turns, a leaf falls
I’ve heard it all
All good things must come to an end
and nothing lasts forever.
I don’t want to hear the truth quite yet,
just give me a minute to process the pain
embrace the change, embrace the pain
there’s a purpose, there’s a plan
it’s bigger than me
deeper than this tear
I just wish I could get one small glimpse
of why my heart remains here
this tear will dry up, my heart will mend
i just hope time allows us to remain friends.
then again,
for reuniting there has to be parting
for reminiscing you need time.
the collection of memories is only starting
as God writes this story of mine
tearing an invisible hole in my heart.
healing will come in time but the scar will remain,
a steadfast reminder of my time in this place.
change is as steady as the hands of a clock.
time moves on and I must too.
I’m just so tired of leaving
of changing
of rearranging.
I’m tired of “goodbye”s
and
“see you later”s
and
“hopefully I’ll see you soon”s
can’t time stop,
wait a beat,
let me catch my breath?
I’m running in circles
dizzy and confused
lost and disoriented,
grasping for a strand of normalcy
trying to remember something comfy…
what country am I in?
A page turns, a leaf falls
I’ve heard it all
All good things must come to an end
and nothing lasts forever.
I don’t want to hear the truth quite yet,
just give me a minute to process the pain
embrace the change, embrace the pain
there’s a purpose, there’s a plan
it’s bigger than me
deeper than this tear
I just wish I could get one small glimpse
of why my heart remains here
this tear will dry up, my heart will mend
i just hope time allows us to remain friends.
then again,
for reuniting there has to be parting
for reminiscing you need time.
the collection of memories is only starting
as God writes this story of mine
Leaving is hard. I know it’s what I signed up for but the emotional stress of a life constantly on the move is draining. It feels like just when we find our niche, build relationships and things are going great it’s time to leave. As much as I’m going to miss this life, I find myself looking forward to getting home and finally getting a chance to rest. Only 21 days. At the same time, I know that 20 days from now I’ll be able to write this poem again about leaving my World Race family. It’s just so hard to say goodbye to yesterday…
