“Be still and know that I am God…” ~Psalm 46:10
Ministry is not about doing. It’s about being.
I’m a leader. For a long time I wondered and doubted that I was a leader but it’s been spoken enough over me and I’ve seen myself do it enough that I know. In ministry I want to lead. I either want to be in charge of or have a big role in any project I’m involved in. I’m used to it. This last month in ministry I didn’t have anything. I wanted ownership of a project. I wanted to be passionate about something specific. People were doing :children’s ministry, teen’s ministry, teacher training, etc. I felt like everyone had a ministry that they were a part of planning and conducting. Me however, I was just along for the ride. I just showed up and played with the kids. I had no idea what my teammates had planned for the program that day. I helped buy supplies and colored some flashcards for the teacher training day but I had no part in its planning or execution. In fact, I wasn’t even there because some of us were needed to stay at the carepoints and take care of the kids since the gogos (translated “grandmothers”- those who worked at the carepoints) would be at the training.
During the afternoon of the second day at training, I was supposed to help treat the ladies to manicures and pedicures but I was so sick all I could do was lay outside in the grass.
Every time I felt passionate about an area of ministry and tried to make it my own, God took me away from it. I would cry, “But God, I want to do that! I want that to be my ministry” and he would respond, “No, that’s not your ministry. I want you over here to help with this ministry that isn’t yours either.” Although I was tired at the end of every day, I couldn’t look back and see a specific thing I had done. I was disappointed and felt like I had just been running around doing nothing.
I finally came to realize that God had put me in a position where I became a valuable part, but not owner, of almost every ministry. In some way or another, I was involved with almost everything we did as a team. I wanted a project that I could plan, execute, and take ownership of so at the end of the month, I could feel like I had accomplished something. I didn’t really write any blogs about our ministry because I thought I didn’t have anything specific to share about. But God has taught me a valuable lesson. Ministry isn’t about me. It’s not about what I can take charge of or what I can take ownership of so that at the end of the day I feel important. It’s about being. Ministry isn’t what you do. One of the leaders was talking with us and said “The fruit of ministry isn’t what we think it is. It’s not about how many people showed up to our programs or how much we accomplished. The fruit of ministry is the same as it is in the Bible. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. So if I went out for a day of ministry and I was love to someone, if I was patient with my team, if I was faithful to God when He asked me to do something, then I was fruitful.
God is wrecking me. God didn’t call me on this trip to
do things for his kingdom. He called me to
be his kingdom.
I want to grow closer to God. I repented out loud last night that it’s the desire of my heart to know God more intimately but I haven’t been
doing anything about it. I haven’t been pressing in and seeking Him. I want Him but I haven’t been hungry and thirsty for him. Later, someone came and whispered in my ear, “God says, ‘Be still and know that I am God.’ He wants you to sit at his feet like Mary and be still in his presence. Once you can do that, the actions will come from it.” Knowing God isn’t about what I do. It’s not about the Bible studies I do or the books I read or how well I play guitar. It’s about being in His presence. Once I’m comfortable knowing who I am in Christ and I’m able to sit at His feet and do nothing but bask in his presence, then He will enable me. And then those things I do won’t be about me and what I can accomplish so I can write my supporters a good blog, but about what God wants done.
Continued here: Be (Part 2)
