Ever since the beginning of this eleven-month journey I had always wondered what my exact thoughts and feelings would be when we reached the point where we could actually say “Wow, we’re almost done.” I knew I would be excited about seeing my family and friends again after almost a year away and telling about all the Lord has done. I knew I would be excited to see my younger brother, Clayton, who would have just received his “Professional Pilot” degree from the University of Oklahoma and be one step closer to his dream of flying commercially. (Yes, he’s a lot cooler than me. I think so, at least.) I knew as soon as I saw my long-time best friend, Will, it would be as if I never even left, with endless laughter and life stories going back and forth between us. I knew the first Saturday after I returned I’d be waking up at 7am, grabbing my golf clubs, and heading to the course to play 18 holes with Dad. (And unless a miracle occurs, he’ll probably destroy me too.) I knew I would be pumped and nervous to get back out on the dance floor with the old crew again to almost re-learn two-stepping (although, I hope it’s like riding a bike). I knew at this point I’d be looking forward to home…
But it’s not the type of feeling I expected.
The past 9 months have changed me. Even though I knew they would, I didn’t expect it to be this drastic. I’ve met and learned from believers in every country so far, and no two look at life identically. However, their motivation and purpose is the same. I’ve seen many different cultures and peoples, each beautiful in their own unique way. I’ve seen the Lord do so much, and it has been an honor and privilege to play a small, minuscule part in His plan around the world…and this is why my feelings are different than expected.
So I want to ask a kind of vague question, what is “home” to you? What comes to mind when you think of “home?” What kind of environment and people are there? Is it always one location, or could it be multiple?
I’ve been contemplating and processing these questions the past few weeks and a phrase that’s been overused, thrown around and almost cheapened by the church came to mind: Our home is in heaven. I mean, it’s monumentally true. Do you say this phrase? Do you truly think like Paul in Philippians 3 when rebutting those who set their minds on earthly things?
“But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ…”
Ok, hold that thought. Throughout the race our squad has talked extensively about developing habits that will help “change culture” around us when we return to the states. It’s likely that many of us will aspire to start careers, raise families, join a local church community, and return to a normal, regular lifestyle when our journey ends… but what if we stop it there? What if we go right back to how we were living before? We “knew” and were “friends” with our coworkers but didn’t truly care for them and their salvation. We wouldn’t drop everything we were doing, no matter how inconvenient, to help them and come along side them if they needed help. We only spent time with our close, personal friends who know Jesus instead of with our colleagues who a lot of the time do not. Heaven forbid.
Well, my guess would be that we’ll begin to feel an uncomfortable emptiness inside. An emptiness that was somehow filled when we were out on the field. We won’t feel at home. But why? Because our purpose out on “the field” was bringing the kingdom of God to earth. Because our purpose was to love sacrificially and serve selflessly. Our purpose was to embody the character of Jesus.
Here’s the thing: that should not change depending on location.
We have two jobs to carry out that are not optional in EVERY country in the world:
1. Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength.
2. Love your neighbor as yourself.
So, where is home? Where will I feel satisfied and purposed? Does it depend on location? I don’t think so.
Wherever I am bringing kingdom is the closest to “home” I will ever be, because my home is not in Texas, the US, or even the nations…it is with God. My home is in His kingdom.
This is why I don’t have the same feelings I had expected. My concept of home has shifted…and I believe for the better.
Thank you for bearing with me through this post! I hope it was encouraging to you all.
