So often people ask us what it’s like doing the race as a married couple. I would say it’s stretching and challenging for sure, but it’s been the best year of our lives. We have experienced new depths in our marriage, our intimacy with the Lord has grown ten fold, and we have served the Lord together in ways we couldn’t even imagine.
Here are some things that we’ve learned as we’ve experienced the race from the perspective of a married couple. If your a married couple considering going on the race or already on the field, we hope this provides some insight! Also, so many of these things apply to life off the field too!
Let’s start from the beginning.
Don’t let the support raising intimidate you, yes it’s double the cost, but you have double the resources. It’s an amazing way to see how the Lord can provide.
Your doing life with a majority of single people, allow them to speak truth into your marriage. Do not discredit their wisdom just because they haven’t been married. Some of the most powerful, life giving feedback we’ve gotten has been from single people.
Allow people to see the good bad and ugly of your marriage. One of the most awesome parts of being married on the race is to share the TRUE beauty of a God-centered marriage. That beauty is two sinners becoming one to bring more kingdom than they could have done alone. This means you’re going to have hard days, tough conversations, and disagreements. And most likely people are going to see this go down. But even in these tough moments are awesome opportunities to honor the Lord through how you treat each other.
Here are some pointers:
Never give your spouse feedback for the first time in front of the team, talk through it then address it with the group.
Always speak respectfully to each other, especially in front of your team.
If you don’t, apologize.
The race is stressful, don’t take it out on each other.
If your team sees a disagreement go down, always bring it back during team time and explain how you resolved it.
Have you ever been friends with a couple and they fight and it’s just awkward for everyone? That’s like being on a team with a married couple that’s in an unresolved argument. Don’t do that to your people. You can love your team well by loving each other well.
Don’t expect to get special treatment because your married. A very wise person once told us the race is designed for single people but we allow married people to go. There are going to be some months where you can’t stay together. That’s just the nature of the race, but these are the months where intentionally is extremely important. But never expect your team or squad to sacrifice just so that you can be comfortable. Although often times they will, because they are amazing.
Take full advantage of married afternoons and married weekends. Talk about each other, what the Lord is teaching you, and how you want to grow. Don’t talk about squad drama. Just don’t. Married time is sacred, protect it.
NEVER feel guilty for taking married time. You’re on the race for 11 months, you’re married for a lifetime. You need time together to pull away and process with your spouse what the Lord is doing in your heart. If your feel guilty pray against it, because it’s an attack from the enemy. Plus, I think this goes for married couples on and off the field. We should never feel shame for prioritizing our marriage.
Pick something to reflect on together every night. Maybe it’s how you experienced the Lord that day, or what you learned during your time in the Word. Take a walk or steal away for ten or fifteen minutes to chat. It’s easy to go for days without having meaningful, intentional conversation just between the two of you, so putting something like this into your routine can help.
Make feedback a foundational part of your marriage! This is a huge thing we have taken from the race. Don’t hold onto things that can cause bitterness and resentment. Clear you heart and get it all out on the table. Also take opportunities to praise and thank one another, even for the small things.
Touching base with family is so important and it’s something that brings us so much joy. If calling family is a filler for you (it totally is for us) do it together!
Branch out! Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you need to spend all your time together. Spend time with others on the squad and let your spouse do the same! Yes, you are one flesh but you don’t have to be attached at the hip.
Don’t think that because you’re married you can’t relate. That’s a lie from the enemy. You have experienced so much through dating, engagement, and marriage and there will be women on your squad that could be praying about entering into those seasons after the race! It’s an awesome opportunity to offer insight.
Ok, now let me take a second to thank our squad. Wonder Church, you are one of the sweetest gifts the Lord has given us. It’s so mind blowing for me to think that one year ago we were all meeting at training camp. We didn’t know each other’s names, stories, passions, or enneagram numbers. Now you are our people, our tribe. We are so thankful for the ways you have encouraged us individually and in marriage. You have fought for us, loved on us, and blessed us in more ways that I can articulate. We are so thankful for you.
