When I was in middle school I purchased a cheap guitar set at Sam’s Club with the intention of learning how to play. Every year since then I have told myself that this would be the year that I finally pick it up. You can probably guess that it never happened, for 11 years straight….
But this year has been different! I made it a priority to practice off and on during my limited free time. In fact, I feel pretty comfortable playing when I’m just on my own. I don’t even mind playing in front of others. The only thing that’s really hard for me is leading a group in worship. It adds a whole new dynamic when I’m trying to play, sing, and adjust to everyone else at the same time. It has given me a lot of respect for those who are able to do this really well.
A few weeks back I was blessed to be with another group of graduating high school seniors. We rafted, climbed, and hiked before they headed back to Austin, TX. On their last night at camp, I offered up my guitar to the group in hopes that someone would grace us with their talents. However, my fear became a reality when no one volunteered to take up the task. So, I agreed to lead a short worship set, but I felt nervous when they asked for songs that I hadn’t practiced.
I played (poorly)
and they sang (when I wasn’t singing)
and we prayed, and it was over.
In all honesty, it wasn’t all that bad, but it felt inadequate to me. I hate it when I present something that is unpolished. In school, I always made sure my projects were clean and pristine before they were turned in, even when the assignment wasn’t very important. I found myself frustrated by the idea of wanting to offer the perfect gift to the group, to leave them with a final serenity that would cap off their trip, and then subsequently missing the mark completely. I left camp late that evening and made my way back home. Before going to bed I prayed “God, if you want to reach this group it will have to be by your power alone. I tried and it was a let down.”
As I was praying I felt God reminding me that His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). It was never intended for me to provide the perfect offering for the group. Only he can fulfill this role. I fell asleep in peace.
As I’ve processed this experience more I have come to the realization that my pitfall towards offering a perfect gift resembled Cain’s just before he committed the world’s first murder. Hebrews 11 tells us that it was “by faith” that Abel brought the Lord a better offering than Cain. Cain worked the soil with his hands and tried to offer the Lord something that he had grown. God wasn’t interested in the handiwork of Cain, He was interested in the faith of Abel. I think the same applies to me. God is far more interested in my spirit than He is in my performance. There are so many scriptures that speak to this; yet, it’s still so easy to get it twisted. Today I’m grateful that the lesson was gentle and full of grace.
