So we finished our first month’s ministry and are now in Nelspruit, South Africa for our first debrief. It’s a 5 day event to gather our thoughts and emotions on what happened over the last month. Very beautiful place and a nice break from the non-stop heat and rough living conditions.
We had our fist debrief meeting today and I was asked where my heart and mind were and how things are going. HHHhmmmm, great question. I had all of these goals and expectations of what I wanted to happen this next year but when I thought about it, none of them were being met. What the heck is going on??
I had two main prayers for this year- that God would wreck me and totally transform me into the man of God He designed me to be, then that I could experience the God I read about in the Bible. I don’t feel any of these things happening so far.
I feel like all I do is wake up, eat, go do ministry, eat, more ministry, eat again, then have a worship session and go to bed. These aren’t bad things that I am doing but I don’t feel like there is any focus on my life and my journey.
So to conclude this hopefully short season, I am pouring out and pouring out but am “too busy” to get refilled myself. This is an intentional decision I have to make everyday and fight for to make it balance out. This is where I see God stretching me and taking His time in my life. This is a tough lesson to learn but a crucial one if I am going to not only survive this year but thrive in it.
