Self Discovery… THAT Was Inside ME?

In
the past week God has changed something in the core of my being, the
part of my heart that is the very essence of my existence. I made
the mistake of asking God to reveal my purpose and calling in life.
I conceived the notion God would reveal the great occupation/title I
should hold during my life. To clarify, I don’t care about titles,
nor does God. God never cared about titles and He still doesn’t! I
have been thinking and praying in this arena for a few weeks. In His
faithfulness, God is showing me portions of why He created me and His
grand purpose in my life. In this experience God is showing me my
purpose and calling are irrespective of what I “do.” Moreover,
The Calling
is “who
I am”
regardless of “what
I am doing”in life.

God
is showing me who I am created to be and the eternal purpose I have
in His kingdom. The byproduct is that very foundational things are
being shaken very hard. The end result of the shaking can not be
seen, but the motivation and heart behind my actions are changing
dynamically. God has showed me on numerous occasions through
different avenues that part of my life’s calling is to pastor. As I
heard that, everything inside of me rejected, shut down, and freaked
out! I don’t want to be a pastor!!!!!!! Hell, I am not even sure I
like being called a Christian let alone a leader of Christians. The
weight and responsibility of that title are a bit overwhelming. This
is the part where God kicks me in the teeth with some great truth!

Here
is the deal, as a smart, competent, and wise man I begin to get
prideful and think I know everything and have it “all
figured out.” I think
thats how I wind up in the ditches next to the path. Words are very
powerful and evoke great emotions. When I say “pastor,” each of
you has a definition attached to the word based off knowledge and
experience. I am with you and it has dramatically affected how I
view things! My definition of a pastor is:

That
is it! That is how I define a pastor. Really, ya I guess so! I am
fully aware a pastor is responsible for the operation of the church,
the finances, the people, the giftings, the poor, the widows, etc.
Yet if you put the word pastor near my name it freaks me out, my
flesh rages and all I can do is think of things I don’t want to do as
a pastor. I was talking with a friend
the other day and she had a revelatory word for me! It blew me away
which just goes to show how elementary mycomprehension of
things can be. She told me, “Brad, you are already a pastor! A
pastor is someone who shepherds people. A pastor pulls the best
stuff out of people without them realizing you are even pulling.”
I realized that she was correct! Much to my surprise I realized that
she was talking about the desire of my heart! It is THE DESIRE OF MY
HEART to help people see the best in themselves and to bring it out!

It
is my passion to see people become all that GOD created them to be so
that His Kingdom expands and His children become more fulfilled!

So
I grab hold of the idea of being a pastor! Notice I did not say
anything about being at a church! God is teaching me that a calling
and a title/job are not the same! I can pastor people my whole life
and never be in a church, on a church, or under a church! The
calling and gifting is a purpose in my life, not a occupation to be
filled. I have accepted the idea of pastor, yet I am completely
repulsed by the idea of having to preach. God
is so nice!
Even though I am slow and dense, God is so patient to wait for us.

Sometimes
I think I am wearing a helmet

and
God is a padded cell to protect me

I
found myself this morning talking to the same friend
about the pastor/preacher dispute in my head. She sat there so
patiently with me letting me vent my every thought and when I
finished she revolutionized my mind again. She reminded me that
preaching is not confined to sitting down and researching scriptures
all week long. Preaching is not making a sweet outline with amazing
illustrations and a big climatic finish followed by an altar call!
She reminded me that preaching is also:

Proclaiming
the good news that God puts in our hearts.

Will
I pastor, Yes