“It’s my life its now or never cause but I ain’t gonna live forever, I just wanna live while I’m alive.”
It’s crazy what a difference a year makes, and how a good weekend off from work turned into a huge part of my life suddenly being gone, and how that relates to my World Race journey.
October 22nd, 2017
I was working overnights at my former job as we were going through our 3rd remodel in the time that I had been there, and it was a Sunday night meaning I had to go to work that night after having just getting back from a photography adventure in Canada, photographing Birds of Prey. I was relaxing and listening to music while laying in bed for a bit before I had to get up to go to work, when the phone rings, and me being me I just left it alone since I knew my parents would pick it up. Time goes by and I doze off, suddenly my mom comes into the bedroom to tell me the news that my aunt had fallen in her bathroom and was unresponsive, and that both her and my dad were on their over to her house to be there. I was shocked but I had hope that once she got medical treatment that she would revive and pull through, so I did the only thing I could and that was to pray. More time passes, and I was in the process of getting ready for work, and the phone rings once again, and this time I felt my stomach drop since I had a feeling I knew what the phone call was about, but I picked up the phone anyways, and it was my mom on the other line, her voice was somber as she told me that my aunt had passed away.
I felt like I had been gut punched as I just stood there unable to speak (later I realized that this was most likely how the main character in a story I wrote some time ago felt upon receiving similar news) I don’t even remember what came next except that I did hang up the phone, and texted my best friend as I felt like I had no where else to turn to at that moment. After that I finished getting ready for work, and left to go to work for the night. I also posted a cryptic message on facebook before I got down to work.
The night goes by, and I get off work at 7am I came home, and went to bed to sleep for a few hours, and in a way hoping to wake up to all this being just a bad dream. I wake up about around 3 in the afternoon, and I could tell that the whole house just felt heavy, and depressing, and my parents were still in process of making all the important phone calls. As bad as it sounds, I still wanted to escape for I just could not handle the heaviness, and was counting down the minutes til I left for BSF, where I could finally talk to people who are part of my support team, and I knew that they would also pray for me in my time of grief then it was back to work that night.
The following weeks were a blur as I really don’t remember much, but I do know that for once I had leaned on my faith in God to get me through this tough time whereas before when things went bad in my life, I would shut him out. I never really cried over her death as I am not an emotional person in a sense that it takes alot for me to really cry, but there were many times where I did get choked up like when I found a shirt that I had given her for Christmas one year that said “World’s Coolest Aunt”. I don’t think she wore it much, but the fact that she kept it all these years really meant a lot to me, and yes I did cry over that, but never like an outright ugly cry type cry.
You might be thinking, “What does this have to do with the World Race?” Well a lot actually since before my aunt’s untimely death, my aunt knew that there was a chance that I might be pursuing the World Race as an option since I was looking deeper into it, and was considering leaving in October of the next year as it was made clear to me that working in retail wasn’t going to be long term option, and I needed to find a way to take time out to reevaluate my life, hence that’s where the World Race comes in. My aunt’s death was the determining factor that pushed me to take a shot and apply for the Race. When I got the phone call that I had been accepted, my first thought was to text her, but then it hit me hard that I couldn’t, and that in a way made the fact that she was gone even more real to me, so instead I texted my best friend the news. I am also in a way doing this in my aunt’s honor/memory for my aunt was such a kind & caring person and was always advocating for the underdog, which is something that serving on the World Race is all about to me as well as serving God.
I know that deep down my aunt would be extremely proud of me for taking this challenge. My aunt was a believer in Christ as she and my dad grew up going to church, and she still maintained that belief even tho she was one that didn’t agree with the idea of organized religion, but all that matters is that she believed that Christ was her savior, and that she is up there in heaven, having tea and talking up a storm with both of my grandmothers & our good friend (my grand Godmother), and I also know that when my time comes, I’ll be reunited with her in heaven as well. Also the fact that I myself am an auntie to my “sister” and her husband beautiful daughter is an huge motivational factor for me as I want to be the kind of aunt that my aunt was to me to her, and I am so honored to be able to do that.
So now one year later here I am sitting in a coffee shop in Independence Belize crammed in a room with my awesome sisters in Christ on the anniversary of her death writing this as I feel its time for me to tell this story. I still miss her everyday, and I carry her in my heart all the time, but as I mentioned above I take comfort in knowing that I will see her again one day.
R.I.P Auntie Doreen I Love You now & forever.
Til next time your fellow sister in Christ,
Bonnie
Team Surrendered
P Squad
Psalms 18:2
YOLO
