“But Moses pleaded with the Lord, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me I get tongue tied and my words get tangled.” “Then the Lord asked Moses, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I the Lord? Now go I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.”- Exodus 4:10-12
This is one of my favorite verses in the Old Testament because for me it is a good reminder of the times when I struggle with my own words like Moses especially when I have to be up in front of people. You see Moses had a speech impairment of some kind, and so do I for I stutter sometimes when I talk, and like Moses I was scared to do certain things because I was scared that my speech would be bad, and people wouldn’t take me seriously, but unlike Moses I had a choice either I let my speech rule my life or I could embrace this unique quirk that God had given me, and see it as a gift rather then a curse.
So in honor of this week being National Stuttering Awareness week, here is my story:
I have stuttered for as long as I can remember from the time that I was 5 years old to now as a adult. I have been though countless hours of speech therapy both in school and private, and yes there were times that I hated it, but I knew I had to do it in order to make my life better since I didn’t want to people to think that I was weird or that I was mentally challenged in other ways all because I couldn’t talk right, and I was teased a lot in elementary school because of my stutter, but I didn’t let that get me down and I didn’t run off crying because of the teasing, but instead it helped me to grow a thick skin, and in a way it also motivated me to get better so that kids would stop teasing me. Yes, there were times when I became shy, and used the fact that I stuttered as a excuse to not to do things, and yes it did hurt my social life in school, but I feel like I’ve made up for that as a adult. I used to warn people when I first met them that I stuttered so that they wouldn’t be offended when I did, but now I don’t even think about it nor do I tell people that I stutter since I figured that they’ll figure it out quickly enough that I do, and not be bothered by it.
This was also one of my fears when I met my new squadmates for the first time as well. One of the things that I have always hated was to say my name as I would always block on my name as well as other people’s names if they began with a certain letter.
One of the things that I found cool about having a stutter was that I had my own set of “rules” when it came to school which some of these “rules” were:
-Don’t randomly call on me to answer a question, only call on me when I had my hand raised
– No time limits when doing oral presentations
-If I do get caught in a stutter be patient don’t correct me or try to hurry me as it will only make it worse.
I also hated having these rules as well for I didn’t like the feeling of being singled out in class.
Also when I was younger, I felt alone as far as being a stutterer goes since I didn’t know of anyone else my age who stuttered, and we really have no idea why I stutter as all of the common stuttering causes don’t pertain to me such as the fact that stuttering can be genetic but as far as I know I have no family history of stuttering, and on top of that, I’m female, not male which is also a unique thing as stuttering happens more often in males then females. I do have a theory as to why I do stutter, but its just a theory. There were times when I would hear my fellow classmates, teachers, friends, my parents, and our adult friends talk, and I would wish that I could talk normal without a stutter since to me having a stutter felt like a curse, and I hated it as I wanted to be normal. My struggles with my speech has actually made me more aware of how other people talk, and this is something that I pay close attention to when I’m with people.
My stuttering helped shape me into who I am today as a strong-willed, determined, independent adult who loves to do public speaking which shocks people when I tell them just how much I love public speaking. I had excellent parents to encouraged me and got me the help I needed whether or not I wanted it. I see my stutter as well as my love of public speaking as a gift rather then a curse because its one of the many things that makes me special, and in a strange way I see it as a gift from God since without it who knows what things might have been different, and I would just be a normal person. While my speech is so much better as a adult then it was when I was a kid, I still stutter, and will always stutter, but I have learned to embrace it, and it is a part of me which makes me unique because now I see it as a gift that God gave me, and I should be honored that I have this unique gift, and use it for his good.
This is the story that I told during my World Race interview, which impressed the gal who interviewed me. Hopefully I can use this gift while on the World Race as well.
Just as Moses went on to do great things during his lifetime, I hope that I too will be able to go and do great things during my lifetime.
Til next time your fellow Sister in Christ,
Bonnie
Team SC
P Squad
Psalms 18:2
YOLO
