I have to admit sometimes I am selfish. Yes, I know that my be a shocker to some of the people who know me because they see me as this person who gives up my time to talk to people who are in need, volunteer at church or be the random person God uses in their lives to help them become a better person in Christ. I have to admit I like being the hero, the leader, and the one who makes people feel good about themselves after they are feeling down. Sometimes after these instances I feel on top of the world!! I did this Yes! Everyone thinks I am awesome because I am the one the Lord used to help them out! I like being a leader because of the control factor of being the one who controls what goes on during the situation. Control makes humans feel good about themselves because they are in power. We become selfish we factor God out of the equation in these situations and we take over as number #1, instead of God being #1 in our lives.
I have to admit in relationships, jobs and situations in my life I have overreacted to things going on around me because I was not fully in control. I like being around people by talking to them, hanging out, and texting. Texting is a major weakness for me. I like having my friends talking to me and telling me about things so I can help them out. Most of the time I do this out of the my heart because God wants me to help them going through a tough time. In those times I give the glory to God. There are times occasionally where I have sent text messages to friends of mine and they have not responed in a timely fashioned. I like things to be done on my time especially if they are my friends or say they are at least. I like text messages to be responded to within six hours of me sending the text.
When this does not happend I start with a process of geniune concern for them and this is okay done in the right perspective and this situation ends at this stage but when this gets past this stage then other things take over. Doubt takes over in my head of they don't like me or they don't think I am valuable. Then if I am not careful this turns into me saying things like Comon Now!, this is ridiculous if you texted me I would have responded just like that because I care about you! I am a better friend than you are and so on! I have made mistakes countless of them because I let my control freak side take over and believe this or not that's being SELFISH! Everyone is unique Blake and I create them to operate the way I want them to operate here on earth for my glory Blake. Stop trying to CONTROL THINGS! Remember that I (God) is the pilot and you're just up here for the ride because I saved you Blake from your sins.
The good things happening to me during this 21 day fast that I am looking forward to eating food again on Sunday is God is showing me verses that are reminding me of God being in control of my life. The verses are giving me peace and security during different seasons of my life. God has called me to go on The World Race not because of how great I am but in spite of my weaknesses so He can teach me more things I need to know about how awesome God is in our lives! People come and go in our lives because certain people are needed for different seasons in our lives.
Some of the verses God has shown to me are:
"Surely God is my help;
the Lord is the one who sustains me."
Psalms 54:4 NIV84
"When I am afraid,
I will trust you."
Psalms 56:3
God is teaching me that I will never be in control of anything because God is the ultimate control of my life. I cannot control people because they come and go for different reasons. Right now God is preparing me to expect the unexpected for getting ready and going on The World Race. I am ready to fully trust you Lord! I can't do anything on my own because I fail so bad when I try to be control of things! Your the pilot of my life!
