I have always struggled with not feeling beautiful. I don’t think I’ve ever believed I’m beautiful. Like sincerely, I’ve never looked in the mirror and liked what I’ve seen… that’s never happened. And I hate that. I know what the Bible says about me and what God calls me. And I don’t know why I’m having such a horrible time trusting and knowing that I’m made in His image, that I’m beautifully and wonderfully made and adored.
We went to the beach on our off day yesterday and all day I was amazed by God’s beauty. In His sons and daughters, in His creation, in the crash of the waves against the rocks, the way the sun hit the mountains and everything it touched, the clear blue water, and in the sailboats. But why was I ashamed all day yesterday and constantly trying to hide? Why do the things that have been said to me and about me cut so deep? I am not beautiful like those things, not in my mind. And I know comparison is the thief of joy, but why am I not pretty like other people? Why did God make me like this? These are a few of the MANY ugly thoughts I had yesterday.
Fat and ugly is what I believe, but I am trusting God to change my mindset. And I cannot wait for the day that He does and I can look in the mirror and like what I see.
Papa, please let me know and trust and truly believe that I’m made in Your image, that nothing you’ve created is ugly, and that I start to really love myself. Amen.
I just want to let y’all into the hard parts too. This is my struggle currently, loving myself. I know God is walking me through this and He’s here with me. Ministry is going well and I absolutely adore these babies I get to love on here. My team is thriving and we have 10 days left here in Haiti before we go to the Dominican Republic for all squad month.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for taking the time to read this.
How can I be praying for you?
Love, Blaire
