Loss
Loss is hard. Loss causes growth if you let it, but it also causes pain. Papa gave me a vision of loss at Training camp. Since then, I have lost 2 people I didn’t expect to lose. But that’s the thing, it’s almost never expected. It hits you and you deal with it, no warning, no heads up.
I didn’t expect to feel the way I did when I experienced loss this last time. I thought I would be fine. When I heard my heart sunk to my toes and I was shocked. So young, so smart, so loving, so full of life, so giving. And in a moment, he’s gone. Why? Why do I feel like I should have given it another chance? Why do I feel things that I haven’t felt in years?
Why would you continue to take people home I’m not ready for you to take home, Lord? Right, I know. It’s Your plan, not mine. And thank God for that.
It’s allowed me to have a new found dependence on God and trust His ways are higher than mine. Do I wish I could still have my favorite person on this earth to hug and love on and spend time with, yes. Do I wish I could have one last Valentine’s Day with him? Yes. But I trust God’s plan more than I want those things. Because I know He provides continually in peace and comfort, if I just press in.
Sometimes things are taken from you that you’d never expect. Sometimes you see that people have less than you and you consider them at a loss.
I want to capture loss this year. I’m not sure how just yet, but I know God will reveal these things to me in time. Loss is also gain if you let it be. Since training camp I have gained a whole new family of phenomenal people.
I am learning how to love myself already and to let walls down. I am embracing surrender in a new way this year and saying Yes to God in the uncomfortable.
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