Training camp
I don’t know where to start. How do you sum up two weeks of growth into one blog post? We’ll see how this goes.
God gave me a vision. Before training camp I thought that saying was stupid. But boy did I learn about the Holy Spirit and how He speaks. The first night of training camp for me was a day before most others because I went early to learn about storytelling and what all that entails. That’s when I received the vision God gave me. It was actually more of a word, but it is what is going to be my vision for what my Race will look like throughout the next year. And I received this word the day before I had to encounter it in a big way.
The word is loss. I have learned that through loss there is gain, only through Jesus. I will go into greater detail about my vision for capturing loss and my reasoning why in another blog soon. But for now, I’ll stick to training camp.
The first full day with everyone came around, I met my whole squad of phenomenal freaking Jesus followers that are now my family, had some sick dance parties and time of worship, and then we headed to our tents.
Prior to training camp starting, my Peepaw (my grandpa, who is my favorite person on earth) had a fall and we knew he wasn’t going to make it through the end of training camp. But I had hope, and went to training camp anyway. I hoped that he would make it through this next year and watch me become who God intended and see how He uses me for His Kingdom. Man I had hoped and prayed so badly for that. My biggest fear going on the Race is that I would lose him while I was gone, because satan always used my Peepaw to try and keep me from doing His work.
Back to training camp… Night one, in my little two person tent, I felt like I should share my snacks I brought. So I hollered through my tent that whoever was hungry should join me and come hang out. SEVEN. That is the number of females that stuffed themselves, and their peanut m&m’s, into my tiny two person tent. At that exact moment I received the worst news I could imagine. I turned my phone on while sharing goodies and got the text I never ever wanted to read. My Peepaw had passed away. And I LOST it, big time. God immediately showed me I was loved, even when I felt I was a burden and undeserving.
The thing is, I know that I am loved because I know that my Heavenly Daddy loves me unconditionally. But training camp taught me that I don’t know how to receive love. You see, I didn’t know how to receive it because of things that have been done to me and things that have been said to me. When you hear someone you love and look up to tell you every day that you are worthless, fat and ugly, you start to believe those things. I didn’t know they were lies. And in turn, I didn’t know how to receive love. I’ve learned just how unhealthy that is. But I am learning. Slowly but surely.
God brought these women in my tent to pray over me and love on me in the moment I needed them the most because He was teaching me how to accept and receive love. One thing that was said to me that I hadn’t heard out loud was that I am important enough. I realized in that moment that I never ever believed previously that I was enough. I am not good enough. I am not worthy. I am not… the list goes on and on. They are all lies that the enemy has told me for the past twenty-two years. Dang.
Throughout training camp I had to learn how to receive love in more ways than one, and accept that I am important enough. And it was HARD for me to do. I always felt like I was a burden, that my stuff was too much and that I am too damaged. God crushed that mindset immediately when I surrendered everything to Him and let His promises speak louder than the lies I had been believing for years.
If you stop and listen to Him, soak in His presence and trust that His plans are indeed good, you will be amazed what He will do with your past hurt and shame. God revealed so much to me at training camp and for that I am so grateful.
I am enough. I am important enough. I am loved. I am cherished. I am a daughter of the King. I am not a burden. I am made in His image. I am beautiful. I am not my past. I am set free.
These are a few more of the things I have learned at training camp that I am finally starting to understand and believe in my walk with Christ.
I cannot wait to tell you more about what I’ve learned, and walk this journey with all of you. There is so much more I wish I could share but I don’t want to bore you or make this thing too long. So, until next time…
1 Peter 5:10
“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast”
Psalm 119:50
“This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life”
Isaiah 66:9
“In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born,’ says the Lord”
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.
From the bottom of my heart with so much love,
Blaire
