Grief- is described as a feeling of deep sorrow. We all will experience grief at some point or another in our lives. It is inevitable- we are human. But what happens when grief collides with your faith?
I had my first major encounter with grief when my mom passed away in October of 2014. Her death was preceded by 7 painful months for both her and my family. My mom succumbed to Alzheimer’s disease and Stage 4 cancer at the age of 59. My family is not faith based and so this challenge tore us apart. We were constantly arguing, and in each others faces putting the other down. The stress really stirred our pot. All we wanted was to make my moms last moments on Earth the best she could have. She wanted chocolate ice cream? Well she got it! My mom was our everything. She was our rock, the sensitive one who you could go to with any problem. She taught us what LOVE was.
But as the months wore on, the stress levels increased and we all forgot how to love one another. This constant “war zone” really affected my own faith with The Lord. I questioned,” Why would such a loving God put us through this pain and hardship?, ” Why would he take away such an important person in my life, if not the most important person”. These and many others ravaged my head for the months and years to come. The day I got the phone call that my mom passed, my world completely stopped moving and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I barley functioned in the months to follow. I would get up, go to class and come home and cry and stare at the walls. My faith was in a very rocky place. I would scream at God begging Him to bring her back. Questions flooded my brain and I was not getting answers. I stopped attending church and became distant in the lifegroup- I was on leadership for. I WANTED ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH GOD!
With the help of my support system ( I would be nowhere without them!) they slowly led me back to our Father. It has been a slow rocky path but as hard as it has been, it has been extremely worth it. I started learning, that God does do things for our good even if it doesn’t look like it in the moment. What good has come out of losing my mom you ask? Well I am still not sure, it may take more time but I am learning to be content where I am and find Joy in each and everyday. Sure, I would want my mom here with me as I graduate from college, go on This Journey and just have that “person to call” when I am sick or down. I miss her more than I could put into words and no one can replace her. I can tell you that I have come across people in my similar situations who are struggling and God has equipped me with the knowledge and empathy to help disciple through it and show them that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel.
I was recently at a Women’s retreat event for my Church and the speaker spoke words that really resonated with my grief and soul. She said that God never ever stops fighting for you and all we have to do is Be Still. Being still is hard but I have and continue to see God work through me and with me to find Joy and to love again. He has also shown me that he has not forgotten about me and He Does Truly LOVE me and he wraps his Arms around me even when I am yelling back at HIM. Another piece of encouragement that she spoke was that when Jesus says He has gone through every emotion and every storm that we will face, he meant it. Jesus was human and he grieved over multiple occasions. So He is with you when you are in the process yourself.
Grieving isn’t easy and it is not supposed to be, however doing along with our heavenly father makes it a little easier and opens your eyes to so much more. If my friends didn’t encourage me and push me to grieve with Jesus, I would not be where I am today.Sure I still struggle with the pain and family but it is much easier and doable when I lay it down at my Fathers feet. He wants our pain, he wants to help carry us through what he brings you through, you just have to invite HIM Into it. I know it can be hard, but I encourage you, if you are in a season of pain, or grief- to invite Jesus in to help you- He will not disappoint! I had to rely more on Jesus since the passing of my mother and once I let Him in, I became stronger in my faith day by day 🙂 I would not be embarking on an 11 month mission if it was not for the growth and work The Lord has done in me through grieving!
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