“If dependence is the goal, weakness is the advantage”.
If two words could sum up my month ten, they would undoubtedly be weaknessand dependence. This month the weight of just how long I’ve been gone has hit me like a freight train. I’m physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. I’ve been living this crazy life for nearly 300 days, 300 long hard days.
This month we are in Bolivia and it looks a whole lot different than any month before. My team is doing something called ATL. That’s World Race lingo for “Ask The Lord”. This means we’ve had no host, no official ministry, no prearranged place to stay. We have been completely dependent on the Lord to provide these things for us! How thrilling it is to literally live out Matthew 10 and fully give the Lord space to work in our lives!!
“ And proclaim as you go, saying, ‘The kingdom of heaven is at hand.’ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons. You received without paying; give without pay…And whatever town or village you enter, find out who is worthy in it and stay there until you depart.” – Matthew 10:7-8,11
ATL is something I’ve been intentionally praying for since month one, specifically that I’d get the opportunity to do it near the end of the race. This is how I want to live when I get home, continually asking the Lord what he has for me, going about my day open to interacting with my interruptions. Although the Lord totally answered my prayers and gave my team ATL for our month 10 ministry, it’s looked a lot different than I could have ever anticipated.
At the beginning of this month, I woke up and my heart was racing. I was having trouble breathing, and I was blacking out. That morning I went to an international doctor and I learned that I had a double ear infection, a sinus infection, bronchitis, laryngitis, and altitude poisoning. I’d also become anemic and developed reactive arthritis. My doctor, however, was the most concerned about my blood. He was almost positive I had a severe blood infection. He preformed several blood tests and x-rays and then sent me home to rest saying he would call and arrange a hospital stay for me as soon as the blood results came back saying I was septic. My doctor seemed very much concerned and worried, which really freaked me out.
I went home and cried on the phone with my parents for probably over an hour. This is not how I wanted to spend my long awaited month of ATL. I was scared and I just wanted to go home, so badly that I even looked at flights. My parents started a prayer chain and within a few hours, hundreds of people were specifically praying for my blood results.
When I went back to the doctor the next morning all he could say was “You were so sick. It’s a miracle!! It’s an actual miracle! I was so worried about you. It’s a miracle!” He proceeded to tell me he already confirmed a bed for me at the hospital because he was so sure that I had a blood infection, but prayer is powerful and my results were normal!
I started a very slow recovery. I was in bed for a week and in lots of pain from my arthritis. Even with the improvement, I hit a wall and I was emotionally done. I was just ready to go home.
One night while I couldn’t sleep because of pain, I very clearly heard the Lord say, “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” The next day I read a passage in Romans that talked about how agreeing with the flesh is death. In my weakness, I was not relying on the Lord.
Thankfully, this revelation propelled me into a month of utter dependence. In such a new and deep way, I understood how desperately I need the Lord
We’ve gone on an incredible and crazy journey this month, following the Lord all over Bolivia.
We’ve made friends with an owner of a hostel here in La Paz, celebrated the Fourth of July with new French friends, and some girls on my team handed out flowers, cards, and fruit to people begging on the street. We’ve learned that intimacy with the Lord always comes first and we’ve spent hours in intercession.
(PS, the 4th of July was maybe one of my favorite holidays I’ve celebrated on the race. We had street burgers, hotdogs, popsicles, fries, face paint, pompoms, sparklers, and FIREWORKS!! We even finished the night line dancing in our hostel, GO USA!!!)
We spent a week in Oruro with the sweetest pastor and his family. The Lord had been planning that connection long before any of us even knew we’d be doing ATL. Back in Argentina, we spent the weekend with a pastor’s family. It was easily one of my favorite weekends of the race. That family was a tangible representation of the kingdom. When they found out we had no real place to stay here in Bolivia, they immediately connected us with their friends. How incredible is it that two months ago, the Lord was already planning our month ten?
(This is our sweet Argentina fam! In only 24 hours they became some of the dearest people that I’ve met this year.)
(The pastor in Oruro took us to the highest point in the city. He was so excited to share his home with us. His family welcomed us, complete strangers, with the the most hospitality and kindness, such a picture of the family we have in Christ!)
(When we were in Oruro, we got the chance to celebrate the anniversary of their women’s ministry. One of my teammates got to preach, another led worship, and I was the recipient of LOTS of snuggles. Church snugs with little nugs are the best! Child like faith ya feel??)
Our team also got to go to Uyuni, see the Salt Flats, and eat llama on the street! If you know me, even a little, you know how much I LOVE salt!!
(In the words of my mother when I salt my food, “Make it snow.”)
And now, we’re back in La Paz working with a church that we found through other friends. The Lord has sent us on a crazy adventure this month. If I’m being honest, I’ve been so exhausted that I didn’t even know if I wanted it. I’ve never in my life been as tired as I am month ten of the World Race. I’m still fighting sickness and struggling to breath well, and my body still aches from my arthritis. I’m craving emotional and physical space. I’m constantly feeling like I’m at my weakest and at my breaking point, but this has lead me to the most beautiful level of dependence that I’ve ever experienced.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
– 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Praise the Lord for the advantage of weakness, because dependence is a beautiful place to be.
