Sitting on the hillside of India, watching the clouds and mist roll over the mountains, music flooding the valley and making its way up to me, the occasional thud of trees hitting the ground from people chopping them down a hill over making me jump every so often, and the faintest sound of bells gentling ringing in my ears, which I’m quite certain are coming from an insect I have yet to encounter, I’m struck by an immediate sense of home.
India feels like coming home.
Hot, sweaty, covered in dirt that we’ve been leveling and red dust from bricks passed down our assembly line, I’m tired. Consumed with lies about how little impact our construction work has on the community, and I’m filled with doubt about why I’m here in India in the first place, longing to connect with people, to build relationships and community, to find my place here.
India feels like doubt.
Walking to dinner, the sun setting behind the mountains, I hear giggles from the bushes to my right. Out pop Marcy and Marina who run into my arms. My heart is full. More giggles accompany my walk back after dinner. Ali playing the ukulele, three more little girls and I dance to the music and spin around the dusty yard laughing till the sun sets and we have to say goodnight.
India feels like laughter.
Sitting on the cold concrete floor that has become my room. Covered in white powdery dust that seems to be on every surface here and tears streaming down my face, I stare at the blank walls and read letters from people back home. Disconnected and lonely, I’m struck by how far away home feels.
India feels like home is 10,000 miles away.
All squad worship, several guitars, a ukulele, a cajon, a tambourine, some shakers and
57 of my new friends in one dusty concrete room, our voices joining heaven and thousands of generations that have come before us singing His praises, surrounded by the consuming peace of the Lord.
India feels like a hiding place in His presence.
I think this is such a picture of the Kingdom! Where the spirit of the lord is, that is my hiding place. The past three weeks I’ve experienced ups and downs and every emotion in between. In the midst of all the chaos and confusion that comes with starting The World Race, one thing remains: my hiding place is in the presence of the Lord.
Psalm 139 says “Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens you are there: if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like day, for darkness is light to you.”
Oh Lord, where can I run from your spirit? Where can I hide my heart from your presence? Can I find a place that isn’t home when I’m walking with you? If I’m in Gainesville tucked behind my red front door, you are there. If I am on the hillsides of north east India, you are there. If I start to doubt and find myself in tears on the concrete floor, you are sitting right there next to me. When I get on the next plane to Nepal, there you are waiting for me. Your hand will guide me forever. If I ever fear the darkness and my heart cries out to you “Surely this is too much for me. Surely this darkness will consume me.” Even the darkest places are not dark to you! You have called me to enter the darkness, to bring your light. When my eyes fail me and the darkness seems to close in all around me, remind me that DARKNESS IS LIGHT TO YOU! Light will always be stronger than darkness.
India may feel like so many different things, but regardless of my feelings there are a few things I know for sure: the moon is round, the Lord is good, and I am safe when I take refuge in His presence.
