I’m looking at me. It’s really me. I’m looking at myself through a different lens, and when I see these girls, I see me.
I can’t judge because that was me. I’m not shocked because that was me.
That was my life, dressing to entice men, getting drunk with hopes of impressing the people around me.
Dancing to draw attention to my body, saying whatever they wanted to hear and hoping he would want me.
My hope was to be desired more and more so that I wouldn’t have the empty feeling that haunted me.
Deceived into thinking that it was the outside appearance that mattered and the more I perfected myself, the more I would love me.
Thinking love meant physical affection and taking pride that I could juggle many relationships at a time so they wouldn’t take advantage of me.
Being in control of my life so much that I wouldn’t give up my life of sin, because I was afraid of really being me.
Looking into the mirror and seeing all my imperfections, so I would cover them up so they wouldn’t see me.
I was empty, broken, desperate, burdened with shame and trapped in sin.
Would anyone ever want me? Would I ever be used by God to make a difference? Will I always be going back and forth in relationships searching for something to satisfy me? Who am I?
I didn’t know. I thought I was anything that someone told me I was. I thought I could change with whomever I was with. What a scary place to be. I knew deep inside that I was made to influence and impact lives, but didn’t walk in it.
I was the farthest away from Jesus, but he never left me. He never stopped loving and never stopped pursuing me. Oh, Jesus…how could I have missed you during all of this? How did I miss out on your love? I want those years back!
Here I am Lord, Send Me.
I get to go to the bars and God is redeeming my lost years, because every time I talk to a woman and tell her that she is worth it, I believe it. Each time I speak to a man and tell him why I’m here, and surprise him, I get to redeem my broken relationships.
When I walk into the loud, crazy bars and see women dressed to impress, and men looking at them, I pray God’s love would be revealed to them. I know I’m changed because I don’t feel pulled back to my old life, I feel compelled to go hard after Jesus and bring people the truth.
I want freedom for the people I see and not punishment. I want them to know the transforming love of Jesus. They were created for more, they were created to know Jesus and receive his love everyday. They don’t have to chase after moments of happiness, but instead pursue a life of weightless joy.
I am changed. I know who I am. I know who Jesus is. I want to make him known. He knows the plans for my life, and I trust Him to have complete control. I am worthy to receive his love, and he will use me for His kingdom. The me that I get to speak to is the old me, so I guess the new me is speaking to the old me. I am redeemed everyday I step out and trust the love of the Father to be enough. I am desired by him and have his complete attention. I get to live to please him instead of striving in pleasing man.
Shame is gone. Guilt is gone. I’m filled up. Restored. Healed and Set on Fire to love people no matter what. Freely Receive, Freely I give. I know God cares as much about my freedom as the people I meet all over the world. I’ve been called to set the captives free, and I’ll do it in whatever way God presents it. I know who I am, because I know who he is.
SEND ME!!!!
**This is our meeting place at the beginning and end of each night**
The girls I get to minister alongside this month, freaking rock stars for Jesus. We’re gathered together to prayer walk the area before going out at night. Please keep praying for us as we form relationships with the girls we meet.
