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My worst month yet
Sorry it’s been so long since I have wrote a blog but as you can tell from the title it’s not exactly been my best month. So you might be thinking to yourself: “What’s making it so bad??…is it the living conditions??…poor Billy he must be in some isolated jungle somewhere and barely surviving”…..well…………that’s not exactly true….ok ok….it’s not true at all….things have never been better.
We are staying with an amazing contact (Kids International Ministries – K.I.M) here in the Philippines and the accommodations are legit, just as nice as any place back in the states. Luxuries??….can you say McDonalds??…just a few minutes ride down the road!!! I know McDonalds may not sound like a luxury to you but after 3 months of nothing even close to it McDonald’s is an amazing welcome sight…ahhh…those beautiful golden arches!! But that not all…Pizza Hut, KFC, Burger King, Dairy Queen, Crispy Cream (yes I said Crispy Cream!!), TGI Fridays!!!..need I say more?. Shopping accommodations/entertainment?? Malls EVERYWHERE!!…I just don’t understand how they can have so many, EXTREMELY nice malls in such a small area. Did I mention the movie theater? While I have not been, I have heard they have FULL RECLINERS, popcorn and a drink…how much??…about $5!! So with all these wonderful things how could my month be so bad? Well, that’s the same question I have been asking myself.
Everything should be great…but…it just not. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually things are just hard. The first week of being here I thought the physically tiredness was just related to the 6 hour time change and the more challenging sleeping arrangements. Most of the squad is together this month and we are all staying in the same building. This is much different from the past 3 months where it was just my team of 7 as compared to 44. So with that many people in one building there is A LOT more excitement and thus it’s been a challenge to get into a regular sleep pattern. But as we rolled into the following week I just seemed to be so tired in the morning and just could not get myself out of bed early like I normally do, thus the emotional and spiritual struggle followed the lack of devotional time.
Questions like…where am I going in life??…am I really getting anywhere??…being 33 years old now and basically starting life over am I on the right track? Will I eventually start producing more fruit from my life or will I just continue to wander through life with a small vision? I hope I am not being too honest here but these really are some of the things I am struggling with. While I “know” the right answers to these questions that has not helped me as I am struggling through them. Then to top it all off, spiritually things have been difficult. Bible reading…praying…hearing God’s voice…worship…just about everything. Just being real here…is that ok? I continue to try to push through it all but I just lack the motivation I normally have. Uggg…what can I say??…it’s been hard!
So why do I share all of this? I highly value authenticity. I think we just need to keep it real!! Life is not always full of easy things and I think we do an injustice to others when we pretend like it is. Every one of us has struggles…and we can benefit from each other when we realize we are not the only ones. Like I said I “know” the right answers to many of the struggles I am facing but for whatever reason I am still struggling through them. What’s my hope for this blog?? For you to know that you are not alone, that it’s ok to struggle and to have difficult months, and secondly to encourage you to share them with others. Open up your life. Let others know that you are real…especially if you claim to be a Christian! The world is hungry for something real. We don’t need any more fake TV evangelists showing a perfect life!! We need real Christians with real life stories that include a real God helping them through them. I am convinced the Bible is full of many more difficult stories than perfect ones as it demonstrates God’s goodness and faithfulness throughout.
Has everything been horrible this month….not at all!! In so many ways it also been an amazing time but over all its been a challenge. I can’t wait to tell you more about the ministry things I have been involved in and ……….can you say…..eating a half fertilized egg?? Something called balot….yep I did it….look up a picture of it…if you dare. Love you all and hope to have another post up very soon.
Serving Him
Billy
