There’s no way to explain the emotions that flooded my heart and the thoughts that rushed into my mind when my doctor told me this 5 years ago: “You may not be able to have your own children.”
Let me share the story with you. (brace yourself, it’s a long one!)
It was November of 2010 and I was 20 years old. I went into the ER 3 times in one week, because the pain was unbearable and the doctors were left confused. At the 3rd visit a specific doctor was brought in to exam my reproductive organs. It was that they decided to do a procedure that would bring answers to the questions they had. Almost two weeks went by. The pain was managed with Vicodin and a heating pad as I waited for surgery day to approach. (Only girls will understand the pain of cramps!)
I remember laying on the surgical bed getting anesthesia when my heart began to sink. You see, I had done what every person should not have. In the days between my ER visit and the surgery, I researched. And I researched too much! I knew what they could find and I knew the possibilities of what it could be, were pretty high considering the amount of pain I was in.
After the surgery I woke up in the recovery room to my doctor explaining to my parents and I what she discovered. It was Stage 4 (Severe) Endometriosis. Endometriosis is very common among women. “It is an often painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus — the endometrium — grows outside your uterus (endometrial implant).” (Thanks – Mayoclinic.com)
My doctor continued to explain that during the surgery she had found several cysts on my ovaries that were caused by the Endometriosis. And that she burned and scraped off all that she could. She sent me home hours later with pain pills and a follow up appointment. She gave my parents instructions on recovery and warning signs for any complications (you know, normal surgery stuff!)
A few hours went by and while resting at home, I noticed that I started to lose feeling in my left side. Almost stroke like. But I had no other symptoms except the loss of feeling. No speech problems, memory loss, etc.
The next day I was admitted into the hospital under observation and for 4 days I remained on a pain pump (basically an IV with Morphine) and went through various tests. We came to learn that during the procedure my doctor had to burn off Endometriosis that was located on my Great Vein. And this is what caused me to lose feeling in my left side. She knew it was a risk, but she had to make the call. And I am not upset that she did – she burned what she needed to.
A few weeks go by and I am sitting in my doctors office for a follow up appointment. I am trying to mask the pain that I am feeling. It was almost as if the surgery never happened and the Endometriosis had returned – full force.
We discussed our options (1) Tolerate the pain (2) Lupron Depot Treatment (3) Birth Control or (4) Remove the uterus or ovaries. It was obvious that #1 and #4 were NOT an option. I couldn’t live on pain pills. And I was only 20 years old and wasn’t about to completely remove my chances of carrying my own children. So, we decided to give the Lupron Depot Treatment a try. This was my best option, according to my doctor. And I trusted her. Lupron Depot is a monthly injection for 6 months at a time, where you basically force the organs into a menopausal state.
It was also during this time that we had “the talk”.” The talk about the road I would face when having children. My chances were lessened because of the Endometriosis. And every time I went through treatment, I hurt my chances even more.
So yes, I went through menopause. And let me just say, I have SO MUCH grace for women who go through it now that I have experienced it myself. (Especially my poor mom who had to tolerate my hot flashes, mood swings, and weird cravings! Thanks Mom, you’re the best!)
For months I went into my doctors for this shot. The entire process was tiring on me: physically mentally, and emotionally. I was in my early 20’s trying to be my age, but going through a phase that women older than me go through. And I didn’t just do this treatment once. I went through it twice. 12 months total. Spread out over almost 2 years.
After completing two rounds of Lupron, we decided to give birth control a try. Mostly because the Lupron Depot only removed the Endometriosis while I was on the treatment. When I was off the treatment, the Endometriosis would resurface. And they say the only two solutions are (1) remove the organs or (2) have children – this route has been proven to decrease the Endometriosis greatly, if not remove it completely. Well, both those options were out. I was standing my ground on keeping my organs and Billy & I were not yet engaged.
Since that appointment I have been on birth control. This helps to control the Endometriosis. Thus far, it has been working. Up until about 3 weeks ago. I started to experience the same pain I had experienced a little over 4 years ago. Excruciating and intolerable.
Here we are, February 20th, and I am scheduled for another procedure on Wednesday February 25th. They will go back in to burn off whatever they can find: Endometriosis, Cysts, etc. And again, my doctor is discussing my future struggle with having children.
And to be honest, people have even questioned us – “Are you sure the race is what you want to do? You need to be thinking about having kids soon, before your chances run out or they forced to remove your uterus.”
I know this process. But more so, I know my faith. I know that God is bigger than ANY medical problem I face. He is a Healer, Comforter, and has the final say. His will and power conquer all.
My faith is stronger than it was 4 years ago. And I still stand on the promises He has given me about my future children. They will be Kingdom children who pursue the heart of God. They will be strong, healthy, and full of life. They will carry the gospel in their hearts and they will not hold back their witness.
I KNOW these things. And over the years, God has brought people through our relationship that have spoken these very words without knowing my story. At youth camp a few years, Billy & I were counselors. There was a service where the speakers were praying over everyone in the room, including the counselors and leaders. When they got to Billy & I, they spoke over our future children. They had no clue what we were going through. They just saw the desire of our hearts to have children one day. They encouraged us with a similar story, their own story. They challenged us to pray for our future children. To buy an outfit for a boy and girl and pray over them. And we did. We pray diligently over these outfits as they symbolize our future children.
I know that NOT going on the race is not an option. We are going. We know we are sacrificing 11 more months of thinking about having children. But we know what God has promised us. And we know what He has called us to do.
Who knows, we may bring home 11 orphans from the 11 countries!
I do not share this story for sympathy, but to encourage you. To encourage you in the midst of any trial you face. Lean on the promise that God has given you. He has promised life; He has promised good things; He has promised provision, strength, and peace.
Love each of your dearly.
Billy & Ashley Spriggs
