I have thought long and hard about what to tell you concerning my month in China. And to be completely honest, I have struggled with what to write to you. I know you all are SO eager to hear about our ministry…and I want more than anything to share that with you, however, I feel as if God did more IN me this month than THROUGH me. So..please forgive me, but as far as actual ministry, for now, I am going to refer you to my teammates blogs, for I feel as if they can better describe what ACTUALLY happened this month better than I can right now. (I promise I will share some..soon) I feel as if I need to spend what little time I have to blog and share with you about my HEART. So…if you want details on actual ministry, please go here: Carly; Sara; Brenda; Neil; Ben; or Dennis. If you are interested in my HEART…please, keep reading…
I feel as if there were two main focuses this month concerning my heart. Those two areas are:
1. It’s not about me.
2. More intimacy with Jesus.
I am really struggling with finding the right words to explain my heart…so I am going to give you some excerps from my prayer journal. Please know that these thoughts come directly from my journal. They may not be grammatically correct. They are raw thoughts, feelings, and emotions. They represent things that I have brought to the Lord’s feet for what they are….
November 8, 2008
“God, you want me to listen, and I desperately want to hear your still small voice. I want more intimacy with you, Jesus, like a husband has intimacy with his wife or the intimacy a mother has with her baby when it is first born. Lord, I’m not satisfied with where I am. I want to go deeper with you.
I want to love my teammates more. I want to watch how You change them over the coming months….Lord, you want me to be silent before you. You desire to strip away my selfishness, my pride, and the wounds of rejection and the need to always be included. Lord, let my words be few. Open my eyes so I can see what You are doing in my teammates. Let me witness the changes you are working in them. Help me to really hear your still small voice.”
November 9, 2008
Some reflections on 1 Corinthians 4…
“I dont care what you think, I dont even care what I think. I only care what the Lord thinks, and He has said, ‘You are my beloved child in whom I am well pleased.’ Live out of that.”
November 12, 2008
“Lord here I am before you this morning. I desire more intimacy with you, Jesus. I want you to speak lovingly and tenderly to me. Lord, I surrender to the quiet. I surrender my voice and my right to be heard and I receive this time and place you have brought me into. I realize and understand that this is for my good, and that through this time I will become more intimate with You, and Lord, I cherish that. You have entrusted me with secret things-but Lord I want more! Help me to hear and distinguish your still small voice. Help me to listen to You. Help me just to be.”
more to come….
